25 Reasons Not To Lose Your Temper

Please Note: This post doesn’t promote the notion of being taken for granted.

A research carried out by Dr. Patricia Chang and her colleagues states ‘Angry young men risk heart attacks.’  It showed angry young men were five times more likely than their calmer counterparts to have an early heart attack, even without a family history of the condition.

Now if that got you worried, you’ve got to read this….

Dr. Aaron Sell and his colleagues carried out a research and came to a conclusion ‘Pretty women are angered more easily.’ (Did anyone chuckle?). They found out that women who rated themselves as pretty displayed a war-like streak when fighting battles to get their own way because they had higher expectations of what they deserved.

So much for the researches carried out, I leave you with the words of Ingrid Collins a Consultant psychologist of The London Medical Centre,  ‘The latest findings are interesting but should be interpreted with caution. This is a small study on a very limited sample group, so it’s not possible to generalise.’(with reference to the last research)

The Free Online Dictionary defines losing one’s temper as a sudden outburst of anger. It’s a natural feeling, experienced when you feel frustrated, hurt, rejected or hostile. It’s a powerful emotion, and if it isn’t handled properly, could having a damaging effect on you, your family, friends……

No matter how hard you try not to, occasionally you are going to blow up but the aim of this post is to suggest a few reasons to control your temper, encourage an assertive behaviour (with a bit of common sense) and list ways of recovery once you’ve lost it.

You may lose your temper if:

  • You’ve been offended as a result of a betrayal or being lied to.
  • You are experiencing so much stress.
  • It’s become a bad habit over time.
  • You feel threatened, fearful and your self esteem is on the decline.
  • You disagree with people over their thoughts, manners or ideals
  • You have unrealistic expectations on several issues, people….
  • You are a control freak.
  • You make so many comparisons with other people’s children spouses, jobs…….. (could this stem from your envy?)
  • At times an experience of sexual frustration.
  • There’s a feeling powerlessness associated with losing one’s temper either at children because of issues centred on discipline, manipulation………..

The list is endless……………………….

British scientists’ state healthy people who lose their temper are 19 per cent more likely to die of a heart attack than those who keep their emotions under control and among those who already have heart disease; ferocious outbursts raise the risk of dying from their condition to 24 per cent. (Courtesy Daily Mail)

Here are 25 reasons not to lose your temper:

  • You are able to control your emotions
  • You are able to control what actions you take
  • You end up listening and pay more attention to details.
  • You are able to use your head as well as your heart.
  • You don’t end up living with regret as a result of the words or you’ve said, insults given or actions taken.
  • It reduces the risk of having a heart disease.
  • It gives you room to forgive others.
  • It reduces the risk of a high blood pressure
  • It refrains you from exhibiting a bullying behaviour.
  • It helps to keep you physically and mentally healthy.
  • You avoid all forms of violence (especially domestic violence) and possible self harm.
  • It reduces the risk of losing loved ones.
  • It builds intimacy.
  • It preserves your integrity and dignity.
  • It promotes happiness.
  • It allows you address the problem clearly and gives you an understanding of how to handle it should it occur in the future.
  • You are able to take informed decisions based on your views/perspectives of people, events and situations.
  • You could dig up some humour out of the current situation.
  • It improves or enhances better communication.
  • You build stronger relationships.
  • It prevents you from being too hard on yourself
  • It allows you think positively.
  • It prevents you from sending out wrong signals or giving a different impression .
  • It stops you from feeling dejected.
  • It gives you peace of mind.

Please Note: It is not having angry feelings that causes problems, but what you do about it and how you express it.

What to do when you’ve lost it?

  • Regain your composure.
  • Accept your very human error.
  • Be willing to compromise.
  • Avoid harbouring so many thoughts about any individual, situation or circumstance.
  • Choose your battles carefully.
  • Talk yourself down.
  • Learn to relax and meditate.
  • Talk to someone (friend, family, professional…) about it

How do you get your message across to someone who has hurt/upset you?

Become assertive: Being assertive is a healthier way to express anger than aggression.

You could do the following:

  • Speak up for yourself but in a controlled manner.
  • Tell people you feel angry about a situation, an event….
  • Talk slowly and clearly
  • Focus on using the words I, in order to make sure it’s clear that it’s about you and not them.
  • Make requests rather than demands or threats.
  • Enhance your communication skills and body language.

Do you still feel like losing your temper? Hmmh!!! Your guess is as good as mine.

I look forward to your comments and suggestions.

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37 Comments

emmanuel

about 4 years ago

hi ayo, i was wondering the sudden silence. i just wanted to say the magazine was beautiful and you have picked on a topic dear to my heart. i loved it. thanks

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ayo

about 4 years ago

hi emmanuel, how are you? i am glad you loved it

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Dia

about 4 years ago

Hi Ayo, how are you my friend? I hope everything is going fine. I think the best way to not lose one's temper is by controlling our thoughts and emotions. If we control our thoughts, then we can control our temper and emotions. Nice list. Thanks for sharing Dia´s last blog post ..How to overcome fear permanently

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ayo

about 4 years ago

hi dia, how are you? you hit the nail on the head with regards to controlling our thoughts and emotions. take care and enjoy the rest of the day

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Parker Lee | howtomingle.com

about 4 years ago

Hi Ayo! How are you? Your list just about covers every situation of why someone can be angry, and how to handle it. Very well thought out! I know a couple of people who can make good use of this list, actually ;) Parker Lee | howtomingle.com´s last blog post ..How To Build a Life You Can Be Proud Of part2

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ayo

about 4 years ago

hello parker, how are you? have you seen my reply to your email??? i'm glad this article would prove useful to anyone trying to resolve issues with regards to flaring tempers. take care and enjoy the rest of the day.

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Parker Lee | howtomingle.com

about 4 years ago

Hey Ayo, Yes I have, as I'm sure by now you already know that.. sorry for the late reply!! Parker Lee | howtomingle.com´s last blog post ..I Lost a Lot of Weight But Resent All the Men Who Now Find Me Attractive

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Ayo Olaniyan

about 4 years ago

Lol Parker I have, will stop over later on in the day...

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Karen

about 4 years ago

Hi Ayo, I think one excellent way not to get angry is to realize that not everything in life is to be taken so personally. We get upset needlessly and then realize that stuff happens to other people, too. We're not the only ones affected by road rage, standing in lines, rudeness, defrauded, etc. Everyone goes through very similar experiences and if you realize that, you can also realize that the world is not conspiring against you. Karen Karen´s last blog post ..4 Best And Worst Things About Being An Entrepreneur – Guest Post

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ayo

about 4 years ago

hello karen, how are you? thanks for comment. you've raised important issues with regards to us not taking things too personal and forming too many conspiracy theories. Once we understand we are not alone or immune to difficulties, i think we would fare better. take care and enjoy the rest of the day

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Therese Miu

about 4 years ago

Hi Ayo, Great Post! I don’t think I’ve read a blogpost on losing temper so I do appreciate your effort in putting this together. It takes a looooooooonnngg time for me to be angry. I have studied psychology over the years and what happens is that just a like positive mindset can create a neural pathway in the brain so can negativity cause a neural pathway much like a groove we hear in a record. I think it is important to keep it neutral. And if someone is lashing at you harshly I always found that prayer always helps. It is a healing playground. I practice this being with my husband or my son when I am losing it with them. I silently say “I Love you, I thank You, Please Forgive me. I thank You” per Dr. Hew Len’s advice. It works everytime. I think one person should have a solution that works for them and use it as a tool to engage more in a positive state. Thanks Ayo ;) Therese Miu´s last blog post ..Communication Breakdown- Is your FILTER Clogged

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Ayo Olaniyan

about 4 years ago

hi therese, how are you? thanks for contributing to the topic and i totally agree with the aspect of prayer in times when you are boiling hot lol!!! but as you've rightly mentioned it's all about what works for each individual. take care of yourself and enjoy the rest of the day

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rob white

about 4 years ago

Hi Ayo, The way I was raised was that losing your temper and shouting louder was the way to get things done. I had to inquire deeply into the nature of my mind to change this habit. As someone who used to lose his temper, I can say that learning how to not take things personally is the single biggest thing we can learn to do. We have to learn how to give up our knee-jerk reactions for a new point of view. Once we have lost it we need to learn how to for-give... GIVE up our hardened opinion FOR a new perspective. rob white´s last blog post ..How to Take Command of the Mind

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Ayo Olaniyan

about 4 years ago

hello rob, how are you? thanks for stopping by. i think the approach of losing your temper and shouting in order to get things done is also prominent in some corporate sectors but i would rather take the approach of being assertive, speaking with authority & confidence(not patronizing). i also agree with the notion of not taking things too personally and being open to different views or perspectives is sooooo helpful and thats from experience. take care and enjoy the rest of the day

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Sibyl - alternaview

about 4 years ago

Ayo: Great post and great list. Chances are that we are going to run into those situations where we are irritated, but if we have a planned way on how to respond, we will be less apt to fall into the trap of getting all worked up and angry. I think the list you shared was really insightful and informative. There are so many great reasons why you should maintain a calm peace of mind and I really liked your list. Sibyl - alternaview´s last blog post ..Guarantee A Better Tomorrow by Focusing on Today

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Ayo Olaniyan

about 4 years ago

hello sibyl how are you? i'm glad you liked the post i'm not so sure that we are immune from losing our tempers. your suggestion of having a planned response is essential; but thats were self control comes in Take care of yourself and enjoy the rest of the day

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Clearly Composed

about 4 years ago

For so long I wouldn't allow myself to feel anger because I was unable to express it in a healthy way. It's taken a lot of work to move from being mad to understanding what is behind the anger...for me, mostly fear and sadness...and then to express what I feel in a way that is healthy for all involved. You have great tips here on doing just that. We can choose how to respond to anger. Thanks for the reminder. :)

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Ayo Olaniyan

about 4 years ago

hi cc how are you/ how did the wedding go? thanks for contributing to the topic. you summed it up beautifully by saying we can choose how we respond to anger take care and enjoy the rest of the day

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John Sherry

about 4 years ago

Ayo, my old mucca, a good look at temper trouble. I just think that losing temper is lost energy and it often overreacts to the circumstances in front of it. It's never worth it at least I have never found so. In fact staying calm shows character and promotes you more than many other things you could show about who you are. Keep it cool or you'll be a fool! John Sherry´s last blog post ..What To Do If You’re Having A Bad Day

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Ayo Olaniyan

about 4 years ago

hi john how are you? staying calm also gives you peace of mind and over reacting to issues just creates unnecessary anxiety. love the last sentence keep it cool or... take care and enjoy the rest of the day

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Preeti @ Heart and Mind

about 4 years ago

Ayo, I like your 25 reasons for not losing temper, although one should be enough. But as human we get angry when situation is out of our control and maybe a few of us try to justify it by getting angry and letting it out. Only if we all had a control over emotions all the time, would not that be wonderful?

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Ayo Olaniyan

about 4 years ago

Hi Preeti How are you? Hope the challenge is going well. I agree one reason is enough but ego/offence sets in and we try to justify the actions we've taken. well, i guess we've got to keep working hard at it. take care and enjoy the rest of the day.

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Frank

about 4 years ago

Ayo, Thank you so much for providing details on how to handle the challenging situations we face in our lives. I am sure that this list will help someone greatly. I know it will beneift me. I found your link in Sibyl's post. Frank´s last blog post ..Will Your Star Burn Out

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Ayo Olaniyan

about 4 years ago

Hello Frank, How are you? It's great to have you here. I am glad the list will be of benefit to you. Hope to see you again. Take care of yourself and enjoy the rest of the day

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WiseMrLove

about 4 years ago

I always try to remember that this person I am about to quarrel with my be the same person I need to do some favours for me tomorrow and if I lose favour with them now I may be shutting some doors against myself in the future so I find a peacful and diplomatic way to resolve the conflict. Thats one of the reasons I use not to lose my temper. Great Job Ayo, you have an excellent blog!

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Ayo Olaniyan

about 4 years ago

Hello WiseMrLove How are you? It's great to have you stop by. You mentioned an important factor with regards to losing ones temper and seeking help from the individual in the future. I also agree with being diplomatic with regards to solving some difficult issues. Hope to see you again. Take care and enjoy the rest of the day.

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S. Ali Myers

about 4 years ago

Ayo, How are you? I think people are born with a certain "temper meter". I feel like it has to do with astrology. Some signs have the tendency to be more hot-headed, stubborn, aggressive and so on. You also have the people that are just naturally calm. There's nothing you can do to get "under their skin". In addition, I feel that it is more common for someone to "flare up" less as they get older than someone else gaining a quicker temper as they age. You hear about people all the time that calmed down with age. But, rarely do you hear about someone getting more hot headed. - Ali S. Ali Myers´s last blog post ..45 Ways You Can Help Change the World

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Ayo Olaniyan

about 4 years ago

hi ali, how are you? thanks for contributing to the topic and i like the phrase temper meter lol!! i have no knowledge on astrology but with regards to people 'flaring up' less with age, i'm inclined to agree with you on it. take care of yourself and enjoy the rest of the day.

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Lauren

about 4 years ago

Dear Ayo, This is great timing. Just this morning as I walked up to the coffeehouse a young man was sitting outside at a table with his legs up on the bannister, reading a book, with a head scarf and a smile on his face. I said to him: "I love to see someone like you who knows how to relax". He smiled more. I thought to myself "he's never going to have a heart attack". While I know there are other factors, I really believe being able to relax and enjoy life, not being upset and angry about everything, keeps us healthy. And, now I come here and read your wonderful post about anger and the impact it has on our health. Kudos to you, Ayo. You bring us such valuable information and with balance. Big hugs, Lauren Lauren´s last blog post ..The Power of A Path with Heart

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Ayo Olaniyan

about 4 years ago

hi lauren, how are you? thanks for contributing to the article with regards to us maintaining healthy lives once we know how to relax rather than falring up al the time. hows the reunion going? i'm sure it's fabulousoooo!!! take care and enjoy the rest of the day

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Richard Chidike | Motivatory

about 4 years ago

How to put our tempers under check and control is one aspect of our lives we should always improve upon as this can ruin not just our relationships with people but our own lives as well. so, this is a wonderful post and I think I will have to share this one. Richard Chidike | Motivatory´s last blog post ..Direct Sales Successes – Invest Wisely in Your Direct Sales Business

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Ayo Olaniyan

about 4 years ago

hello richard, how are you? it's great to have you stop by and you are right relationships get ruined with nasty tempers. hope to see you again. enjoy the rest of the day

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mark

about 4 years ago

Hi Ayo, This is great - I really believe that losing your temper is a pathway to sadness. There have been times when I have lost my temper and I do not remember ever feeling better afterwards, only worse. It is always better to think slowly. Consider if what is bothering you should really be doing so. Consider if you are just reacting the way that you learned a while back. Great post Ayo. Have a great day! mark´s last blog post ..The 7links Challenge To Write A Sneeze Page

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Ayo Olaniyan

about 4 years ago

Hi Mark, How are you? You've put it in simple terms losing ones temper is a pathway to sadness and i agree the aftermath of losing one temper for most of us is a horrid feeling(i may be wrong but i dont see anyone taking delight in losing ones temper) take care and enjoy the rest of the day

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Lanre

about 4 years ago

Hi Ayo. I really enjoyed the article on losing your temper. Losing ones temper tends to be counter-productive, but anger towards an injustice can help motivate us to fix it. That being said, venting ones anger to someone that understands is a very useful way of reliving the stress anger can cause. Sometimes we just need to YELL!!!!! just for the sake of yelling. What do you think?

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Izze

about 2 years ago

This helped thanx alot:)

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