It was inspired by today’s radio show on LBC 97.3FM with Petrie Hoskens and an article in The Daily Mail ‘Men Paid Less Than Their Wives Are ‘Five Times More Likely To Cheat’.
The research was carried out by a group of sociologists who surveyed the salaries and relationships of a group of 18 to 28-year-olds who had been in the same relationships for more than a year and these couples were married or living together. It also suggested some house husbands may find the temptation of being surrounded by ‘yummy mummies’ on school runs just too much to bear. (Culled From The Daily Mail)
While I don’t agree with the recent studies (and Petrie’s phone in programme justified my position), the big question is ‘what do you do when faced with a betrayal in your relationship, friendship, courtship…….’
Trust defines every interaction in a relationship, it builds intimacy and it strengthens bonds.
YourDictionary.Com defines betrayal as an attempt to lead astray, deceive, seduce then desert. It comes in different shades and involves acts of lying, cheating, stealing…….
It’s an experience I wouldn’t wish on anyone, but it happens on a regular basis. The hurt associated with it is intense because suddenly you remember:
- Broken promises.
- He left you for another woman/lady/girl.
- Your secrets have been exposed to various individuals.
- Your trust has been broken.
- Your family/friends weren’t there to support you during the difficult times.
- You got shunted from the promotion deserved.
The list is endless………
In all this remember ‘You Are Not Alone’ and ‘You Can Rise Above The Feelings Of Rejection’.
The effects of a betrayal are as follows:
- A broken relationship (friendship, courtship, engagement…..)
- It affects your mental health and creates depression.
- It lowers your self esteem.
- It attempts to harm your reputation and integrity
- It ruins the trust factor in any relationship
- It creates unnecessary suspicion in any event because you constantly question your judgements.
- It skews your thought process which leads to negative or destructive thinking.
The aim of this post isn’t to argue with the research carried out but suggest 25 Ways To Deal With Betrayal.
In no particular order they are as follows:
Reflect: Spend time analysing and reflecting on the whole event and ask yourself if the relationship/friendship is worth salvaging. Once you’ve taken time to reflect on the issue, you may proceed with a cautious confrontation. Confront the issues that led to the betrayal. It’s important you have all the correct information/facts before any confrontation and when you decide to take that step ensure you are clear, direct and exercise a bit of restraint on your temper.
Take things easy: Don’t be so hard on yourself because you were betrayed. There is always a tendency for you accept unnecessary blame for the turnout of events or resort to harmful practices as a means to alleviate the hurt. Cut yourself some slack and be encouraged by things that give you meaning.
Let go: Let go of your emotions constructively. Cry if it will make you feel better, take long walks. Don’t be embarrassed at it. Whatever you do, make sure it’s constructive and makes you feel better after all you are the one that’s been BETRAYED!!!
Build Courage: It’s a difficult and painful experience but you’ve got to sum up the courage and acknowledge betrayal is a part of life. If managed properly it equips you with a better understanding for future relationships with friends, family, colleagues…….
Integrity: Show some dignity in dealing with a betrayal. Be a man or woman of few words and manage the whole situation with your integrity intact.
Reconcile: Keep an open heart and mind to reconciliation. It’s difficult, but learn to forgive and move on.
Set Goals: Be determined to come out of the whole experience of betrayal stronger with new ideals, thought patterns and character.
Get Inspired: Be inspired/empowered by listening to, reading and watching positive media that will contribute to uplifting your spirits which results in strengthening your emotions while going through the betrayal.
Build Your Self Confidence: Look for constructive ways to rebuild your personality, self confidence and esteem.
Think Constructively: Think carefully and constructively on your future actions in old and new relationships. Do you want to give it one more chance, take a break or walk away from it completely?
Face Your Fears: Face your fears by taking risks, building positive relationships, discussing or sharing them with friends, family…..
Network: Avoid being alone through the period of betrayal. Spend a lot of time with other friends, family, colleagues….. They could serve as listening ears and provide all sorts of encouragement.
Optimism: Show a bit of optimism in everything you do, it helps in putting the past behind you and gives you a positive approach to dealing with betrayal.
Hold Back On Revenge: I’m not sure if revenge is worth your time. It’s a display of maturity if you do not resort to the same tactics used or different game plans to hurt anyone.
Personal Development: Focus on your personal growth, appearance and development.
No Self Harm Please: Avoid all forms of self harm. Don’t turn to alcohol or drugs as a quick route to escape from the hurt or drown your sorrows. The pain will still be there in the morning along with a hangover!
Self Denial: Be secured in who, what and whom you are. Learn to deal with all your insecurities. Stop living in self denial and feeling sorry for yourself. Experiencing a betrayal is tough but think constructively and create a positive attitude around you. Work on building trustworthy relationships with other people. You must know what you want from a new relationship or friendship.
Use Your Intuition: Start paying more attention to your feelings, thoughts and intuition keeping your eyes open, heart protected slightly and head in place. Please note: This shouldn’t make you overbearingly suspicious of anybody, event or circumstance.
Stay Active: Be active. Research shows that there is a close relationship between your physical and mental health so try exercising, go dancing (Salsa), take a walk, start a hobby……….
Love Again: The toughest lesson is learning to love/trust again. It’s difficult but you’ve got to remember not everyone is going to act like your ex, friend, colleague, spouse….
Think Of The Future: Let your thoughts of the future be inspiring, memorable, motivating and encouraging.
Stop Worrying: Worry less and develop a new focus. It reduces your anxiety levels and prevents you from constantly making all kinds of unnecessary assumptions.
Celebrate Your Progress: You’ve been betrayed, so what!!!! Be happy with any progress or changes you make in any sphere of your life using it as a springboard to developing new friendships or relationships.
Patience: Exercise a lot of patience when experiencing a betrayal. It allows you handle various situations with confidence and assurance knowing a solution definitely exists.
Seek Profession Help: Where/When necessary, seek the services of a counsellor, psychotherapist, social worker, GP…..
I look forward to your comments and suggestions.
P.S. Look out for my next blog post 35 reasons/benefits for staying faithful in a relationship.