46 Things To Do, When People Don’t Like You.

This post was inspired by reading Professor Martin Seligman’s book ‘Learned Optimism’ and watching a clip of a ‘celebrity’ (gosh I don’t like that word lol!!!) being interviewed. It came to a segment during the interview, where he/she stated, if people don’t like me, WHAT DO I DO?

That stuck like glue!!! Let’s look at the facts, ‘YOU CAN’T BE LIKED BY EVERYONE’ and you certainly don’t like everyone (that may be controversial), so the sooner you understand this principle, the happier you would be.

No matter how hard you try to impress certain people, they can’t/won’t like you. It could be very painful at times, particularly when you mean well, but such are the challenges of life.

I hold a strong opinion of making conscious efforts to meet people, make friends, be nice, open……. Instances where your gestures aren’t acknowledged or welcomed, shake the dust off your feet, lift up your head, and move on to better or higher territories.

The twist in this topic is you may be disliked for behaving in ways which are acceptable by societal standards/judgements or be disliked for your nasty character and bad habits.

So what do you do, where do you turn to?

People may not like you for the following reasons:

• You are better than them.
• You are very confident.
• You work hard
• They are envious of you.
• You smile or laugh a lot
• You are very lousy and can’t be trusted.
• You are totally disrespectful
• Your descent, race, colour, upbringing, social circles…….
• You are rich, poor, educated, uneducated.
• You speak funny, straight or posh.
• Your views on issues are logical and rational.
• You are too big, fat, tall, short, thin…..
• You are good looking or ugly.
• You’ve got a decent job.
• You are a fussy eater
• You move within a certain class of society.
• You are unhelpful.
• You are snobbish…..

The list is endless, but the concept of this post is to suggest certain attributes to develop, steps to take in order to handle matters which relate to you being liked or disliked.

Your aim should be to find at least one useful tip which aids your personal development.

In no particular order, here are 46 Things To Do, When People Don’t Like You.

• Get on with your life believing there would be opportunities for you to meet people who would warmly embrace or accept you.
• Just be yourself, accept who you are by living a life of authenticity, remembering you can’t be liked by every one.
• Move a step further from accepting yourself to loving who you are.
• Examine your life to see if there are areas that require a constructive change.
• Build up your self confidence.
• Develop good habits or manners and for heavens sake, work on those bad, filthy or annoying habits ranging from……(you know them)
• Understand that people relate with each other if they possess the same ideals, character, thoughts, goals…..
• Be open to change.
• Keep Your Ego In Check. Some times your ego comes in conflict with who you really are.
• Celebrate your strengths and have a positive attitude. That’s what makes you distinguished and if some people don’t like it, OTHERS will.
• Meet new people, make new friends.
• Say positive things about who you are.
• Try doing simple things.
• Be content and happy with those who love or adore you and cherish all those memorable moments.
• Spend a lot of time with the people you love.
• Show constructive optimism in everything you do.
• Don’t lower your standards or compromise your moral compass to please the people in question.
• Deal with your vulnerability.
• Give people time to get to know you better.
• Be Proactive. Be moderately proactive and plan carefully for what you want to achieve.
• Learn to improve on your art of communication.
• Smile or simply walk away.
• Just enjoy yourself and be happy.
• Think positively and highly of yourself.
• Keep working hard, being truthful, showing love, ……….
• Stop pushing yourself on people, trying to be in their faces all the time.
• In some cases do more listening, less talk.
• Stop comparing yourself to others. It’s very important you carve out your identity, style and avoid comparing your life to those around you.
• Don’t contemplate doing anything dangerous/silly which could inflict harm on you physically, emotionally etc. You are unique in your own way.
• Avoid slandering or promoting gossip about the people in question.
• Always maintain your dignity and self respect.
• Resist the temptation to put down one’s hobbies/desires.
• You can use your time wisely and productively
• It might be a sign to improve on your physical appearance sensibly such as combing your hair, brushing your teeth lol!!!, having a bath, wearing decent clothes……..
• If it gets to a stage you are abused, report to the higher authorities such as the police, teachers, managers etc. I want to stress if you are bullied in school, inform your parents, report it to your teachers. If you are bullied at work and there’s concrete evidence, report it to your line manager.
• Ensure you aren’t trapped into doing things you aren’t comfortable with (i.e. wrong) in order to gain favour.
• Avoid bragging about who you are or what you’ve done. That just makes it worse.
• Don’t forget your sense of humour and use it to your advantage.
• Keep building your self esteem.
• Don’t be too hard on yourself.

The last section of this post would be devoted to people who have been hurt as a result of close members of the family i.e parents, sister, brother, spouses..openly showing so much disgust and dislike to you. At times you may be at fault or they are simply………

• Talk to someone about it. You may consider seeking professional help.
• Be humble, apologise and seek an opportunity for reconciliation if the problem stems from you.
• Reach out to your family even if you get rejected. It’s tough; it hurts but please make an attempt.
• Avoid turning to dangerous drugs, to push away the painful thoughts you may have. If you’ve started please see a professional.
• Find hope somewhere in your heart believing your current situation will take a turn for the better
• ABOVE ALL BE A SURVIVOR IN ALL CIRCUMSTANCES.

What would you do, when people don’t like you?

I look forward to your comments and suggestions.

Ayo Olaniyan is a certified Unitive Life Coach, an Accredited Professional Counsellor with the Counselling Society and the editor of The Life Skills Magazine. For further information, please complete this form.

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