Are You Really Listening

Let’s look inwards for a few minutes; cross-examining your heart, mind … and respond carefully to this question ‘Are You Really Listening?’

Your daily activities involve a lot of listening in order to communicate effectively and properly.

You could engage in discussions with your children, wife, partner, husband, colleagues, bosses, friends, enemies, gossips…………. the list is endless, but Are You Really Listening?

Epictetus makes a profound statement, we have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.’

The post in context centres on interpersonal communication and much emphasis is placed on listening because of its importance and huge neglect when realting with people.

What is listening?

The Free Dictionary Online defines listening as making an effort to hear something. It’s a technique for improving understanding of what is being said by taking into account how something is said and the nonverbal signs and body language that accompany it.

Now there is a distinction between hearing and listening; I also acknowledge there are certain people or messages you shouldn’t listen or pay attention to, but this post attempts to highlight the various benefits of active but constrcutive listening and suggest practical tips for becoming an effective listener.

Carl Rogers and Farson (1979) describe active listening as ‘an important way to bring about changes in people.’

They suggested steps such as:

Listening for complete or total meaning: This involves listening for content and underlying emotions.

Responding to feelings: This involves responding to the emotional message being passed across.

Identify all the cues: It is important to watch out for non verbal descriptions or messages.

Winston Churchill states, ‘Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen’.

In no particular order here are 40 benefits of listening:

• It prevents you from jumping into conclusions or making hasty assumptions.
• It builds trust, encourages rapport and develops charisma between individuals
• It enables you accept a person for who he/she is without being judgemental.
• It expands your knowledge.
• It causes you to think.
• At times it could prevent mistakes or misunderstandings.
• It promotes better and effective communication.
• It enables you resolve various problems.
• It allows people feel comfortable and relaxed when talking to you.
• It allows you exercise positive or constructive influence.
• It provides an opportunity for learning.
• It enables you appreciate and understand people better.
• It allows you stay focused on the conversation you are having.
• It warns you of upcoming troubles.
• It shows respect to the speaker indicating that you are genuinely interested in the conversation.
• It allows you consider alternative methods, ideas or approaches.
• It allows you recognise your shortcomings.
• Women and men like being acknowledged and listened to respectively.
• It gives you the confidence to agree on certain issues.
• It allows you interpret ones emotions ie. Understanding when one is happy, sad…
• It allows you understand and identify different body language types.
• It enables you create or place some sort of values on individuals.
• It clarifies any form of confusion going on in your mind.
• It allows you relax and feel loved.
• It keeps you in the picture
• It gives you the guts to negotiate better.
• It enforces your beliefs and views.
• It makes you competent.
• It increases personal power.
• It strengthens bonds in relationships.
• It wades into anger with a view to resolving it.
• It could motivate you.
• It challenges various structures of your thinking and beliefs.
• It promotes optimism.
• It builds self esteem because it implies you may be valuing what someone else is saying.
• It fans the flames of love.
• It enables you display empathy and sympthasize with the talker.
• You are able to reflect the message back to the person speaking
• It helps in making choices.
• It promotes peace

And many more……………………..

There are several tips to become an effective listener.

They are as follows:

• Maintain eye contact and a listening body language.
• Give room for the person to talk without frequent interruptions
• Ask questions.
• Be patient.
• Genuinely show interest in listening to the other party.
• Don’t listen with a bias in your mind.
• Create pictures in your mind about what the person is talking about.
• Think about what you’ve heard before speaking.

And many more…………………….

Once again the aim of this post is to highlight the benefits of listening and suggest a few ways of becoming an effective listener.

I close with these words, ‘ARE YOU REALLY LISTENING?’

I look forward to your comments and suggestions.

Ayo Olaniyan is a certified Unitive Life Coach, an Accredited Professional Counsellor with the Counselling Society and the editor of The Life Skills Magazine. For further information, please complete this form.

Tagged as: active listening, carl rogers, listen, listening, peace