This is a guest post by John Sherry.

John Sherry is the writer of the real simple life blog RealSimplePeople.com. John believes life isn’t rocket science but rocket salad, not to be complicated but to be viewed and enjoyed with a simple outlook. He has been on BBC Radio, worked with BBC TV and wrote a magazine column for 8 years.

 As John always says, “Life is all about the FUNdamentals!”

Within personal development you will often be encouraged to have goals.

Big dreams, aspirations and hopes to aim for. To reach for. To follow, activate, hit and bring to reality. Personal special destinations that say, ‘You’ve made it. You are a winner!’

Champagne corks go off. Parties are held. Whoops for joy with smiles and laughter everywhere. Sometimes awards and rewards recieved.

You’ve done it. You are here. Journey’s end. Yes! And that’s just it. The end of the journey. The trek through time, challenges and yourself. A test. A quest. A demand of your very best. With lessons, hardships, discoveries and ‘aha’ moments on the way.

The destination is the final step where glory awaits, that’s undeniable, but the journey is the true accomplishment. The journey is where you really hit the heights.

The journey takes you there

Success is a journey, not a destination. The doing is often more important than the outcome
Tennis legend, Arthur Ashe

Saying that reaching the destination is more important than the journey that gets you there is like saying that eating a meal is more important than the ingredients and artful cooking that created it. The craftsmanship in the cuisine is the joy in the journey. The authentic recipe for personal growth and life improvement. It’s the journey that makes the result all the sweeter.

By reaching a final magnificent goal your journey has been a success. Whatever the route you took (and you guarantee it wasn’t direct, straight forwards or even planned at times) the journey has had a result. Maybe on the way you got lost. Perhaps you wanted to give up. You may even have thrown any map you had away and trusted to instincts (thereby commencing another journey) but they are all part of the expedition. It’s all you’ve been through that makes the end worthwhile.

Ordinary journeys, extraordinary effects

Sir Edmund Hilary only made it to the summit of Everest by conquering it on the climb. Nelson Mandela had his journey on the long walk to freedom in jail. Rosa Parks via being thrown off a bus for daring to sit in a whites only seat in 1950’s America. Results and changes that became memorable and life changing through journeys that examined the person to see what they were made of. Yet also made heroes of ordinary folk. Everyday journeymen and women folk just like you.

The joys that are the journey

What is so good about the journey you may ask? Why does it matter more than reaching the promised land of a chosen dream?

Here are the joys of the journey:

• The discovery of what you are capable of, your strengths, untapped resources and unknown skills
• It ensures what you want and are ready to work for or struggle through to get
• Provides an amazing landscape of views, scenery and new horizons even if they are just mental or emotional
• Takes you to new territory, new people, new philosopies and new lifestyles
• It demands that you expand your outlook, update your mindset and keep an open mind
• Everyday is new, fresh and full of unexplored potential
• It changes the very world you live in, never to return

If you have a destination in mind then be prepared for the journey that comes first. For no matter where you end up, it is the discoveries on the way that will always make the difference. The road to success is being on it, not neccessarily finishing it.

The road of life twists and turns and no two directions are ever the same. Yet, our lessons come from the journey, not the destination
Don Williams Jr

If you would like to be a real simple person and learn the simple ways you can achieve it visit John Sherry at his blog today.

Hello Everyone,

Thanks to everyone who participated in The Life Skills Challenge.

A quick reminder:

The Life Skills Challenge is the latest development of Discovering Purpose.

It will be run once a month and it involves leaving a simple comment stating why you deserve to win the book of the month.

The books for the month of June 2010 were:

• 7 Habits Of Highly Effective People By Stephen Covey 
• Everyone Communicates Few Connect By John Maxwell

The winners of the second round of The Life Skills Challenge are:

• Jim Greenwood
• Cecilia Gamboa

An email will be sent to you shortly.

Once again thanks to everyone for participating in this challenge.

Delivery

• Winners of the ebooks would have it sent to their mailbox within 24-48hrs.
• Winners of the hard copy/cover books will have it posted to them. Please note: This is subject to posting schedules and time frames from the United Kingdom so there may be a slight delay if it’s overseas.

***Important Information: If you are a blogger or an author and would like to contribute to the challenge by giving out your ebook or book, please contact me. 

Congratulations and enjoy the rest of the day.

Ayo.

Please Note: This post doesn’t promote the notion of being taken for granted.

A research carried out by Dr. Patricia Chang and her colleagues states ‘Angry young men risk heart attacks.’  It showed angry young men were five times more likely than their calmer counterparts to have an early heart attack, even without a family history of the condition.

Now if that got you worried, you’ve got to read this….

Dr. Aaron Sell and his colleagues carried out a research and came to a conclusion ‘Pretty women are angered more easily.’ (Did anyone chuckle?). They found out that women who rated themselves as pretty displayed a war-like streak when fighting battles to get their own way because they had higher expectations of what they deserved.

So much for the researches carried out, I leave you with the words of Ingrid Collins a Consultant psychologist of The London Medical Centre,  ‘The latest findings are interesting but should be interpreted with caution. This is a small study on a very limited sample group, so it’s not possible to generalise.’(with reference to the last research)

The Free Online Dictionary defines losing one’s temper as a sudden outburst of anger. It’s a natural feeling, experienced when you feel frustrated, hurt, rejected or hostile. It’s a powerful emotion, and if it isn’t handled properly, could having a damaging effect on you, your family, friends……

No matter how hard you try not to, occasionally you are going to blow up but the aim of this post is to suggest a few reasons to control your temper, encourage an assertive behaviour (with a bit of common sense) and list ways of recovery once you’ve lost it.

You may lose your temper if:

• You’ve been offended as a result of a betrayal or being lied to.
• You are experiencing so much stress.
• It’s become a bad habit over time.
• You feel threatened, fearful and your self esteem is on the decline.
• You disagree with people over their thoughts, manners or ideals
• You have unrealistic expectations on several issues, people….
• You are a control freak.
• You make so many comparisons with other people’s children spouses, jobs…….. (could this stem from your envy?)
• At times an experience of sexual frustration.
• There’s a feeling powerlessness associated with losing one’s temper either at children because of issues centred on discipline, manipulation………..

The list is endless……………………….

British scientists’ state healthy people who lose their temper are 19 per cent more likely to die of a heart attack than those who keep their emotions under control and among those who already have heart disease; ferocious outbursts raise the risk of dying from their condition to 24 per cent. (Courtesy Daily Mail)

Here are 25 reasons not to lose your temper:

• You are able to control your emotions
• You are able to control what actions you take
• You end up listening and pay more attention to details.
• You are able to use your head as well as your heart.
• You don’t end up living with regret as a result of the words or you’ve said, insults given or actions taken.
• It reduces the risk of having a heart disease.
• It gives you room to forgive others.
• It reduces the risk of a high blood pressure
• It refrains you from exhibiting a bullying behaviour.
• It helps to keep you physically and mentally healthy.
• You avoid all forms of violence (especially domestic violence) and possible self harm.
• It reduces the risk of losing loved ones.
• It builds intimacy.
• It preserves your integrity and dignity.
• It promotes happiness.
• It allows you address the problem clearly and gives you an understanding of how to handle it should it occur in the future.
• You are able to take informed decisions based on your views/perspectives of people, events and situations.
• You could dig up some humour out of the current situation.
• It improves or enhances better communication.
• You build stronger relationships.
• It prevents you from being too hard on yourself
• It allows you think positively.
• It prevents you from sending out wrong signals or giving a different impression .
• It stops you from feeling dejected.
• It gives you peace of mind.

Please Note: It is not having angry feelings that causes problems, but what you do about it and how you express it.

What to do when you’ve lost it?

• Regain your composure.
• Accept your very human error.
• Be willing to compromise.
• Avoid harbouring so many thoughts about any individual, situation or circumstance.
• Choose your battles carefully.
• Talk yourself down.
• Learn to relax and meditate.
• Talk to someone (friend, family, professional…) about it

How do you get your message across to someone who has hurt/upset you?

Become assertive: Being assertive is a healthier way to express anger than aggression.

You could do the following:

• Speak up for yourself but in a controlled manner.
• Tell people you feel angry about a situation, an event….
• Talk slowly and clearly
• Focus on using the words I, in order to make sure it’s clear that it’s about you and not them.
• Make requests rather than demands or threats.
• Enhance your communication skills and body language.

Do you still feel like losing your temper? Hmmh!!! Your guess is as good as mine.

I look forward to your comments and suggestions.

It’s that time of the month again and ………

I am pleased to inform every reader and subscriber to this blog, the sixth edition of The Life Skills Magazine is out now!!!

Updates:

Introducing a new column called Dominiques Corner. 

The Life Skills Magazine now has a DIY website http://thelifeskillsmagazine.com . It’s still work in progress because I’m quite slow at building, reading and implementing codes on the site bearing in mind I am not a web designer(laugh!!!). It would be great to have your feedback .

Once again:

A big thank you to everyone who contributed to this months edition

A TEASER TO WHET YOUR APPETITE

Does anyone want a copy?

Subscribe by email to this blog and get a free copy delivered to your mail box.

It’s that simple. Past editions will be available to new subscribers, and you also get two blog posts sent to you monthly. TALK ABOUT A BONUS!!!!

The Life Skills Magazine is collection of personal development and lifestyle articles from various personal development bloggers/writers with the aim of creating a purpose driven life.

The sixth edition contains:

Ben Lumley of 6 Aliens tells you resourcefulness always trumps resources.

Steve Aitchison of Change Your Thoughts looks at 10 ways to boost your concentration.

Evan Hadkins of Wellbeing And Health.Net talks about motivation.

Karen Ruby of A Meaningful Existence focuses on the only words you need to overcome your fears.

Jim Greenwood of The Truth Of Small Steps lists 11 steps from discouragement to re-motivation. 

Dia Thabet of  2 Achieve Your Goals highlights the power of self talk.

M.Farouk Radwan of 2knowmyself.com tells you why it is foolish to feel bad when people judge you.

Dominique Small of 4 Walls And A View lists 7 building blocks to remain productive and motivated while living with cfids in Dominiques Corner.

The list goes on……….

Thank you so much for the time and effort you’ve put into making this edition come out successful.

Also a very big THANK YOU to Matt Jeffrey of MajDesigns who created the artwork, graphics, and design etc….making the magazine come ALIVE!!!

You’ve blown me away with this edition and thanks for reducing your sleeping hours in order to meet up with the deadline.

You could also contribute to the next edition of the magazine, please read

In mean time, enjoy reading this issue.

Oh!! One more thing; Don’t forget to GET A COPY by SUBSCRIBING TO THIS BLOG

I look forward to your comments and suggestions.

Four weeks ago Kim Maglinti and Ben Weston initiated a project; getting personal development bloggers write on the lessons learned from their greatest fears.

Ben Lumley talked on acceptance.

Therese Miu focused on no excuses

Greg Blencoe discussed the fear of success

Ben Weston talked on making choices

Kim Maglinti focused on overcoming fear.

Today I’m just going to share my thoughts on self-doubt which is considered to be one of my darkest fears.

Facing encounters like these:

• Struggling to spell words from the age of 7
• Harbouring the thoughts of an extra year in university because of my woeful first semester(year 1) results; passing 3 out of 8 courses, having 5 referrals.
• Struggling with the thoughts of acting/being responsible.
• Getting a terrible bashing on my self confidence, not giving love a chance and the need to protect my heart.
• Avoiding huge tasks/responsibilities because the fear of failure existed.
• Closing my mind to several dreams/objectives because they appeared far-fetched………………

The list is endless, but all these contributed to creating the feeling of Self Doubt

NEWS FLASH

I still struggle with it occasionally (family, the blog, projects, part time practice,…) but there’s always light at the end of the tunnel.

What is Self Doubt?

The Free Online Dictionary defines self doubt as a lack of faith or confidence in oneself and doubting is a natural human response to any unfamiliar situation.

It could be triggered by:

• The fear of making mistakes
• Peoples expectations of us
• Self perception
• Bad judgements or choices

The aim of this post is to equip you with the RIGHT KIND OF ARMOUR(laugh), suggesting a few ways of dealing with self doubt when it creeps up.

Here are my thoughts:

Identify and acknowledge your fears and doubts

Think carefully before answering these questions:

• What are you afraid of?
• Why does the fear of…….. exist?
• When does it occur?
• Is it totally out of control?

It’s important to identify and acknowledge your fears/doubts because it’s a step in the right direction with regards to dealing with self doubt.

It’s okay to be afraid BUT…

This school of thought is controversial, but it’s okay to be afraid because you are human, you recognise a need and you know your inadequacies.

My thoughts:

• It’s okay to be afraid BUT once you’ve outlined what it is(they are), it’s time to take steps in the right direction to minimize the impact.
• It’s okay to be afraid BUT make up your mind to fight back.
• It’s okay to be afraid BUT get ready to deal with it.
• It’s okay to be afraid BUT take constructive risks.
• It’s okay to be afraid BUT find a way of stirring up courage and confidence.
• It’s okay to be afraid BUT think carefully.
• It’s okay to be afraid BUT do something about it.

Discuss Your Fears

Eliminate your fears and self doubt by discussing how you feel. Form a habit of having a constructive discussion sharing your feelings/anxieties with trusted friends, family or professionals.

Discussing your fears is therapeutic and it tends to release the bottled up emotions giving you a clear head, peace of mind and relieving you of your self doubt.

Bounce Back From Your Mistakes:

Mistakes occur all the time SO stop flogging yourself with an imaginary whip because you failed or made terrible mistakes. We all make mistakes (no excuses) but not all of us bounce back from it constructively with the necessary motivation to correct the wrongs.

The take home thought for the day is ‘BOUNCE BACK CONSTRUCTIVELY’ from your mistakes.

Just because you make mistakes doesn’t mean you are a complete failure. There’s always an opportunity to learn and do something new.

Be Secured In Who You Are And Feel Good About Yourself:

Underestimating your abilities only promotes or increases the level of your insecurities and it pushes you closer to SELF DOUBT.

• Go on, accept who you are constructively because you are unique and has a purpose.
• Feel good about who you are (positively), where you are now and display confidence about what to look forward to in the future.
• Celebrate your achievements and enjoy every wonderful experience you’ve had.
• Slow down on excessive self criticism because over time, constant negative feelings result in negative affirmations.

Show Some Optimism:

Another way to combat self doubt is adopting the approach of looking at the favourable side of events and anticipate the best possible outcomes in any situation.

Building optimism ensures you are:

• Realistic about your expectations.
• Building a barrier against living in self denial.
• Being authentic and not hiding behind the MASK of pretence.

Rise Up To Your Challenges.

In dealing with self doubt, you need to understand the past can’t be altered because it’s occurred, but the future can take a different shape by dealing with the current challenges of life positively.

Your perspective of the future changes once you embrace the knowledge of rising to your challenges.

It’s like an emotional/internal warfare dealing with self doubt but you stand up to your challenges by:

• Taking calculated risks(keeping your eyes, ears, head, heart open as you jump into the deep waters)
• Making very tough decisions.
• Breaking free from certain relationships.
• Becoming proactive.
• Going back to areas where you have experienced failure and TRYING AGAIN.

Connect With Friends/Family/Social Networks

Connecting with friends/family helps in dealing with self doubt. Positive networks help to establish, motivate and strengthen you as an individual. Associate with people who are ready to encourage you when you need it, speak the truth, drag you away when erring and finally provide support for you all the way. 

Celebrate Your Achievements

Celebrate your achievements and enjoy those precious moments.

According to a research people with a complex tend to pay little or no attention to their success, achievements or strengths and this promotes self doubt because they find it slightly difficult to look at themselves in a different light, accept worthy praises for a job well done or celebrate their accomplishments.

Pause for a few minutes:

• Go on, lift your head up
• Reflect on your worthy achievements.
• Enjoy thinking about it.
• Break into a smile!!!!!!

Don’t Stop Learning:

Don’t stop learning. You’ve got to be informed or updated about various events, things…….. happening around you. It builds your confidence and ensures you can contribute or participate in discussions if the need arises.

Take time to develop your aptitude. Go on a self improvement exercise and if you need to increase your level of education, do so!!!

Get some exposure, broaden your knowledge, read books, learn more about yourself…….

On a final note: Rise above your self doubt by learning

I look forward to your comments and suggestions.