Yes, you read it here first.

I am pleased to inform every reader or subscriber to this blog, the first edition of The Life Skills Magazine is out now!!!(one day ahead of schedule)

A LITTLE TEASER TO WET YOUR APPETITE

Does anyone want a copy? Subscribe by email to this blog and get a free copy delivered to your mail box. It’s that simple.

Did I hear you say cheers with glasses clinking together?

It’s been a very busy week, packed with so much to do, sleepless nights, but we got there in the end.

The Life Skills Magazine is collection of personal development and lifestyle articles from various personal development bloggers/writers with the aim of creating a purpose driven life.

The first edition contains articles such as:

Planting Thought Seeds For A Better Life by Steve Aitchison of Change Your Thoughts: He talks about the thought seed being a tiny thought that lets you dream momentarily about what your life would be like, if you could have anything.

Self Improvement For Dummies by Evan Hadkins of Wellbeing And Health.Net : This is a simple but thought provoking article. It serves as a guide for people who struggle with being positive, independent and assertive.

Five Stories We Tell Ourselves About Self Re-invention by Patricia Bechtold of BechTold Life Works:  She talks about self-reinvention which is simply discovering something old and ancient within, which requires you to dive deep to claim the parts of you that are unlived and yearning to be expressed.

Heartfelt In Life by Robert Twomey.: A poet in the making, writes a poem reflecting on Valentines Day.

The list goes on……….

A very big THANK YOU to Matt Jeffrey of Maj Designs, who created the artwork, graphics, and design etc….making the magazine come ALIVE!!!

If you want to contribute to the next edition of the magazine, please read.

It would be appreciated, if you could kindly promote this on your blog, facebook, twitter……….

In mean time, enjoy reading this issue.

Oh!! One more thing; Don’t forget to GET A COPY by SUBSCRIBING TO THIS BLOG.

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This post was inspired by reading Professor Martin Seligman’s book ‘Learned Optimism’ and watching a clip of a ‘celebrity’ (gosh I don’t like that word lol!!!) being interviewed. It came to a segment during the interview, where he/she stated, if people don’t like me, WHAT DO I DO?

That stuck like glue!!! Let’s look at the facts, ‘YOU CAN’T BE LIKED BY EVERYONE’ and you certainly don’t like everyone (that may be controversial), so the sooner you understand this principle, the happier you would be.

No matter how hard you try to impress certain people, they can’t/won’t like you. It could be very painful at times, particularly when you mean well, but such are the challenges of life.

I hold a strong opinion of making conscious efforts to meet people, make friends, be nice, open……. Instances where your gestures aren’t acknowledged or welcomed, shake the dust off your feet, lift up your head, and move on to better or higher territories.

The twist in this topic is you may be disliked for behaving in ways which are acceptable by societal standards/judgements or be disliked for your nasty character and bad habits.

So what do you do, where do you turn to?

People may not like you for the following reasons:

• You are better than them.
• You are very confident.
• You work hard
• They are envious of you.
• You smile or laugh a lot
• You are very lousy and can’t be trusted.
• You are totally disrespectful
• Your descent, race, colour, upbringing, social circles…….
• You are rich, poor, educated, uneducated.
• You speak funny, straight or posh.
• Your views on issues are logical and rational.
• You are too big, fat, tall, short, thin…..
• You are good looking or ugly.
• You’ve got a decent job.
• You are a fussy eater
• You move within a certain class of society.
• You are unhelpful.
• You are snobbish…..

The list is endless, but the concept of this post is to suggest certain attributes to develop, steps to take in order to handle matters which relate to you being liked or disliked.

Your aim should be to find at least one useful tip which aids your personal development.

In no particular order, here are 46 Things To Do, When People Don’t Like You.

• Get on with your life believing there would be opportunities for you to meet people who would warmly embrace or accept you.
• Just be yourself, accept who you are by living a life of authenticity, remembering you can’t be liked by every one.
• Move a step further from accepting yourself to loving who you are.
• Examine your life to see if there are areas that require a constructive change.
• Build up your self confidence.
• Develop good habits or manners and for heavens sake, work on those bad, filthy or annoying habits ranging from……(you know them)
• Understand that people relate with each other if they possess the same ideals, character, thoughts, goals…..
• Be open to change.
• Keep Your Ego In Check. Some times your ego comes in conflict with who you really are.
• Celebrate your strengths and have a positive attitude. That’s what makes you distinguished and if some people don’t like it, OTHERS will.
• Meet new people, make new friends.
• Say positive things about who you are.
• Try doing simple things.
• Be content and happy with those who love or adore you and cherish all those memorable moments.
• Spend a lot of time with the people you love.
• Show constructive optimism in everything you do.
• Don’t lower your standards or compromise your moral compass to please the people in question.
• Deal with your vulnerability.
• Give people time to get to know you better.
• Be Proactive. Be moderately proactive and plan carefully for what you want to achieve.
• Learn to improve on your art of communication.
• Smile or simply walk away.
• Just enjoy yourself and be happy.
• Think positively and highly of yourself.
• Keep working hard, being truthful, showing love, ……….
• Stop pushing yourself on people, trying to be in their faces all the time.
• In some cases do more listening, less talk.
• Stop comparing yourself to others. It’s very important you carve out your identity, style and avoid comparing your life to those around you.
• Don’t contemplate doing anything dangerous/silly which could inflict harm on you physically, emotionally etc. You are unique in your own way.
• Avoid slandering or promoting gossip about the people in question.
• Always maintain your dignity and self respect.
• Resist the temptation to put down one’s hobbies/desires.
• You can use your time wisely and productively
• It might be a sign to improve on your physical appearance sensibly such as combing your hair, brushing your teeth lol!!!, having a bath, wearing decent clothes……..
• If it gets to a stage you are abused, report to the higher authorities such as the police, teachers, managers etc. I want to stress if you are bullied in school, inform your parents, report it to your teachers. If you are bullied at work and there’s concrete evidence, report it to your line manager.
• Ensure you aren’t trapped into doing things you aren’t comfortable with (i.e. wrong) in order to gain favour.
• Avoid bragging about who you are or what you’ve done. That just makes it worse.
• Don’t forget your sense of humour and use it to your advantage.
• Keep building your self esteem.
• Don’t be too hard on yourself.

The last section of this post would be devoted to people who have been hurt as a result of close members of the family i.e parents, sister, brother, spouses..openly showing so much disgust and dislike to you. At times you may be at fault or they are simply………

• Talk to someone about it. You may consider seeking professional help.
• Be humble, apologise and seek an opportunity for reconciliation if the problem stems from you.
• Reach out to your family even if you get rejected. It’s tough; it hurts but please make an attempt.
• Avoid turning to dangerous drugs, to push away the painful thoughts you may have. If you’ve started please see a professional.
• Find hope somewhere in your heart believing your current situation will take a turn for the better
• ABOVE ALL BE A SURVIVOR IN ALL CIRCUMSTANCES.

What would you do, when people don’t like you?

I look forward to your comments and suggestions.

This post was inspired by watching the Prime Minister Gordon Brown crack a joke on question time today. Not that I have so much interest or knowledge in politics, but Gordon Brown hardly smiles (well at least the times I have seen him on television lol!!). It was fascinating to see him throw a wisecrack at David Cameron and laugh while doing so.

At that point my perception of him changed because his laughter brought out the human side of him despite his political controversies.

You may be going through tough times or experiencing difficulties, I dare say a dose of laughter could lift your spirits. Life is not all about being too serious or moody. Yes there is/was a recession, you may be struggling financially, you’ve just come out of a relationship or things appear cloudy with no ray hope in sight. Go on take a few minutes to think of something that would make you laugh, relax and ease the tension.

This post attempts to highlight the various benefits of laughter and suggest practical ways to induce laughter.

Laughter is a form of an outward expression of happiness, amusement and pleasure. It is a universal language that depicts joy or happiness and it’s derived from sound or movements your bodies make when you find something funny.

Robert Provine, Ph.D., a neuroscientist in his book Laughter: A Scientific Investigation, states that laughter establishes or restores a positive emotional climate and a sense of connection between two people, who literally take pleasure in the company of each other.

In no particular order, here are 35 benefits of laughter:

• It relieves physical tension and stress.
• It strengthens various relationships you’ve established.
• It makes people feel/get attracted to you as a person.
• It quashes conflicts or arguments that could spring up.
• It promotes bonding between individuals.
• It improves your mood.
• According to medical research, it boosts your immune system.
• It instils a form of calmness.
• It allows you express yourself sometimes carelessly lol!!!.
• It enhances optimism in different areas of  your life.
• It could make complex situations appear less threatening.
• It allows you express your true feelings.
• It reduces anxiety.
• It lowers your blood pressure.
• It creates fun.
• You feel great
• It is free!!!
• It lifts your spirits.
• Women love a man that can make them laugh.lol!!!!!
• It improves your social life.
• It improves respiratory conditions, aids in ventilation and helps clear mucus plugs. (Journal of the American Medical Association)
• It increases blood circulation and rise in oxygen and nutrient levels. (Journal of Biological Psychology)
• It improves your looks by making you appear youthful
• At times it helps to increase creativity.
• It lightens burdens.
• It gives room for self expression.
• It promotes a positive attitude.
• It promotes self acceptance.
• It is therapeutic.
• It drives away negative emotions
• It could change your perspective on certain issues.
• It brings healing to the hurt you are experiencing
• It increases your mental flexibility.
• It promotes self confidence.
• It increases your tolerance levels because it lowers the risk of you being irritated by little things.

There are several ways laughter can be induced. They are as follows:

• Develop the habit of smiling where necessary.
• Spend time with people who are jovial and bring out the best in you.
• Try introducing a bit of humour into what you say.
• Count your blessings and appreciate all you have and the people around you.
• Always to look out for the funny side of life.
• Occasionally do silly things.
• Participate in fun activities
• Watch a comedy.
• Interact with children. Trust me you would laugh a lot when interacting with little children.

So what makes you laugh?

I look forward to your comments and suggestions.

Gossip is simply idle talk or rumours about the personal or private matters of anyone (friends, family, neighbours, colleagues…..) We’ve encountered, experienced or participated in one form of gossip or the other. Tabloids thrive, generate income from various celebrity gossips and scandals. I’ve been told some celebrities make money and gain self promotion from gossip. At times I wonder what the fuss really is in making sure one is slandered by words, thoughts or actions. This isn’t a self righteous exercise because I’ve been involved in gossip (promoted and been hurt by it) on a few occasions and I now make a conscious effort to avoid or excuse myself from the situations that promote or give rise to gossip.

There is a school of thought which believes you need gossip in order to survive and be aware of worldly activities, however I don’t subscribe to that.

This post focuses on the people who are VICTIMS OF GOSSIP. They’ve experienced hurt, slander and so much emotional pains. I hope I can address the issue and suggests possible ways of dealing with it. It’s a painful time and the effects could lead to anger, hurt, stress, depression, low self-esteem …….

Have you been a victim of gossip? This post could help you.

There are three areas to be covered namely:

• Resolving The Problem.
• Victim Recovery.
• Learning from the whole experience.

Resolving The Problem:

This involves looking at various ways of putting a stop to the unnecessary rumours peddled about you.

The following tips may aid in resolving the problem:

• Think Carefully: It’s important you think carefully on how you want to approach the issue.
• Find out the facts: Ensure you have or know all the necessary information and facts of the matter before confronting any individual or group involved in spreading such rumours.
• Confrontation: Once your facts are correct and you’ve thought on how you want to deal with the issue, it’s up to you to make that choice of confronting the individuals involved, to find out why they take delight in slandering you.
• Get People Involved: This step should be treated with caution. If it’s absolutely necessary, get your friends, family, colleagues, higher authorities etc. involved. Your reputation may be at stake here and it’s worth salvaging all that is left of it.
• Natural Death: Give enough time for the gossip to die down naturally. Don’t force, push or strive hard to extinguish it. It would eventually fizzle out before you know it.

Victim Recovery:

This is important because it involves someone being slandered. The victim goes through all kinds of frustration, damaged reputation, anxiety, all sorts of unnecessary worries just because of such rumours.

The following tips may be useful for recovery:

• Be Yourself: This is extremely difficult particularly when you are involved in or is experiencing all sorts of slander.  Always be yourself, not losing your identity or making compromises in order to gain favour, acceptance or be a people pleaser.
• Maintain Your Integrity: Keep building your credibility and working on your integrity. Act responsibly in any given situation. Work on areas where there are elements of truth that may damage your reputation.
• Guard your emotions: Do everything possible to guard your emotions. There may be a tendency to ‘explode’ in anger because of what’s being peddled about you or retreat in fear, worrying about the backlash of events, should there be some truth in it. At this point I recommend you be in total control of your emotions. The last thing you want, is creating a big scene giving rise to another rumour, disciplinary actions, exchange of words…… There are better ways of expressing yourself, being firm, assertive and in total control.
• Rest: Your sleeping or rest patterns are often disturbed by worrying continuously. It’s important you rest in order to maintain a healthy body and be refreshed. Your health, family, social or work life shouldn’t suffer because you are unable to get adequate rest due to worries.
• Appreciate/Value positive relationships: It’s important you value positive relationships with people who refused to take part in such gossip. You can always draw strength, comfort and hope knowing they can rise to your defence or offer the necessary emotional support you need.
• Revenge: Hmmh!!! A very touchy subject but my thoughts are: don’t attempt to carry out any form of revenge on the individuals peddling such rumours. You may not be as skilful as they are, besides their hearts could be as hard as a rock. Fight the urge to start a rumour (true/false) about such individuals. Resist the temptation of carrying out any revenge because you stoop so low by coming down to their level of reasoning and it makes you just as horrible as they are.
• Avoid arguments: Call it quits when you are not making any headway with the individuals involved in peddling such gossip. Arguments only create unwanted tension and anxiety.
• Self confidence: Lift up your head when walking. Don’t give in to pressures. Live by your principles and morals.
• Reconciliation: Reconciliation is coming together to reach a compromise in order to resolve issues or difficulties that may exist with anyone. It is very difficult to come to a place of peace, understanding and tranquillity when it comes to resolving gossip, but maturity is displayed when you come together to address your differences even if it means you going separate ways, enforcing discipline or minimizing your levels of contact.

Learning from the whole experience.

Is there anything to gain from the nasty experience or feeling created by gossip?

I think there are a few points to be noted:

• If the gossip is true, there is a need to be disciplined and act responsibly.
• Avoid creating unnecessary suspicion in the minds of people.
• Don’t be caught in compromising positions or situations.
• If trust is betrayed by someone you love or speak with regularly, it’s time to redefine such relationships.
• Remember what is private, stays private. Don’t hang out your dirty laundry in the open.
• Hold your head high up, when you’ve been criticized for doing the right thing.

The Final Statements:

If you have been involved in starting or promoting all forms gossip, STOP IT!!! YOU COULD BE THE NEXT VICTIM OF A NEW GOSSIP.

If you are currently going through a nasty experience as a result of a gossip, talk to someone about it, get friends /family to support you, seek professional help……….

If you’ve been a victim of gossip and has survived through the whole episode, I would love to hear from you.

I look forward to you comments and suggestions.

Great News!!! readers and subscribers to this blog.

Introducing ‘The Life Skills Magazine’

This is a collection of various personal development and life style articles from various personal development bloggers.

It’s a free monthly e- magazine and it’s exclusive to email subscribers for now (I am unable to figure out how to incorporate rss subscribers but I’m open to suggestions)

It’s fresh, it’s hot!!!! and the first edition would be available from the 9^th of February 2010.

Feel free to contact me if you want to submit an article or contribute to the development of the e-magazine.

You can also subscribe to this blog by clicking here.

I look forward to your comments and suggestions.