I Am A Victim Of Gossip

Gossip is simply idle talk or rumours about the personal or private matters of anyone (friends, family, neighbours, colleagues…..) We’ve encountered, experienced or participated in one form of gossip or the other. Tabloids thrive, generate income from various celebrity gossips and scandals. I’ve been told some celebrities make money and gain self promotion from gossip. At times I wonder what the fuss really is in making sure one is slandered by words, thoughts or actions. This isn’t a self righteous exercise because I’ve been involved in gossip (promoted and been hurt by it) on a few occasions and I now make a conscious effort to avoid or excuse myself from the situations that promote or give rise to gossip.

There is a school of thought which believes you need gossip in order to survive and be aware of worldly activities, however I don’t subscribe to that.

This post focuses on the people who are VICTIMS OF GOSSIP. They’ve experienced hurt, slander and so much emotional pains. I hope I can address the issue and suggests possible ways of dealing with it. It’s a painful time and the effects could lead to anger, hurt, stress, depression, low self-esteem …….

Have you been a victim of gossip? This post could help you.

There are three areas to be covered namely:

• Resolving The Problem.
• Victim Recovery.
• Learning from the whole experience.

Resolving The Problem:

This involves looking at various ways of putting a stop to the unnecessary rumours peddled about you.

The following tips may aid in resolving the problem:

• Think Carefully: It’s important you think carefully on how you want to approach the issue.
• Find out the facts: Ensure you have or know all the necessary information and facts of the matter before confronting any individual or group involved in spreading such rumours.
• Confrontation: Once your facts are correct and you’ve thought on how you want to deal with the issue, it’s up to you to make that choice of confronting the individuals involved, to find out why they take delight in slandering you.
• Get People Involved: This step should be treated with caution. If it’s absolutely necessary, get your friends, family, colleagues, higher authorities etc. involved. Your reputation may be at stake here and it’s worth salvaging all that is left of it.
• Natural Death: Give enough time for the gossip to die down naturally. Don’t force, push or strive hard to extinguish it. It would eventually fizzle out before you know it.

Victim Recovery:

This is important because it involves someone being slandered. The victim goes through all kinds of frustration, damaged reputation, anxiety, all sorts of unnecessary worries just because of such rumours.

The following tips may be useful for recovery:

• Be Yourself: This is extremely difficult particularly when you are involved in or is experiencing all sorts of slander.  Always be yourself, not losing your identity or making compromises in order to gain favour, acceptance or be a people pleaser.
• Maintain Your Integrity: Keep building your credibility and working on your integrity. Act responsibly in any given situation. Work on areas where there are elements of truth that may damage your reputation.
• Guard your emotions: Do everything possible to guard your emotions. There may be a tendency to ‘explode’ in anger because of what’s being peddled about you or retreat in fear, worrying about the backlash of events, should there be some truth in it. At this point I recommend you be in total control of your emotions. The last thing you want, is creating a big scene giving rise to another rumour, disciplinary actions, exchange of words…… There are better ways of expressing yourself, being firm, assertive and in total control.
• Rest: Your sleeping or rest patterns are often disturbed by worrying continuously. It’s important you rest in order to maintain a healthy body and be refreshed. Your health, family, social or work life shouldn’t suffer because you are unable to get adequate rest due to worries.
• Appreciate/Value positive relationships: It’s important you value positive relationships with people who refused to take part in such gossip. You can always draw strength, comfort and hope knowing they can rise to your defence or offer the necessary emotional support you need.
• Revenge: Hmmh!!! A very touchy subject but my thoughts are: don’t attempt to carry out any form of revenge on the individuals peddling such rumours. You may not be as skilful as they are, besides their hearts could be as hard as a rock. Fight the urge to start a rumour (true/false) about such individuals. Resist the temptation of carrying out any revenge because you stoop so low by coming down to their level of reasoning and it makes you just as horrible as they are.
• Avoid arguments: Call it quits when you are not making any headway with the individuals involved in peddling such gossip. Arguments only create unwanted tension and anxiety.
• Self confidence: Lift up your head when walking. Don’t give in to pressures. Live by your principles and morals.
• Reconciliation: Reconciliation is coming together to reach a compromise in order to resolve issues or difficulties that may exist with anyone. It is very difficult to come to a place of peace, understanding and tranquillity when it comes to resolving gossip, but maturity is displayed when you come together to address your differences even if it means you going separate ways, enforcing discipline or minimizing your levels of contact.

Learning from the whole experience.

Is there anything to gain from the nasty experience or feeling created by gossip?

I think there are a few points to be noted:

• If the gossip is true, there is a need to be disciplined and act responsibly.
• Avoid creating unnecessary suspicion in the minds of people.
• Don’t be caught in compromising positions or situations.
• If trust is betrayed by someone you love or speak with regularly, it’s time to redefine such relationships.
• Remember what is private, stays private. Don’t hang out your dirty laundry in the open.
• Hold your head high up, when you’ve been criticized for doing the right thing.

The Final Statements:

If you have been involved in starting or promoting all forms gossip, STOP IT!!! YOU COULD BE THE NEXT VICTIM OF A NEW GOSSIP.

If you are currently going through a nasty experience as a result of a gossip, talk to someone about it, get friends /family to support you, seek professional help……….

If you’ve been a victim of gossip and has survived through the whole episode, I would love to hear from you.

I look forward to you comments and suggestions.

Ayo Olaniyan is a certified Unitive Life Coach. He is also an Accredited Professional Counsellor with the Counselling Society. If you would like to enquire about personal and professional one-to-one coaching sessions, or to invite me for a speaking engagement, please complete this form.

Tagged as: emotions, Experience, feelings, gossip, self esteem, victim