Ssshh!!! Can I share a secret with you?
I failed again.
What am I going to do? Hmm !!! Look for other alternatives.
Talking about how you resolved the various difficulties of life; coming out strong and successful, provides an inspiration to people currently going through similar experiences.
Your perception of failure may differ from others but it’s safe to say we all exhibit negative emotions (even if it’s for a brief moment) each time we experience failure.
So what is failure and how have I experienced it?
The Free Dictionary describes failure as the condition or fact of not achieving the desired end result. It is also a decline in strength or effectiveness of an individual.
My friends/family are aware of my high grades (possibly a distinction) in failure because:
- I just failed a task 16 hours ago.
- I failed in the first semester of year 1 at the university. I had 7 referrals out of 9 courses. Hmm!! those days; I wanted to change universities because I was so embarrassed and kept it from my parents till my final year, but I’m so grateful to my reading buddies, because it turned out well in the end.
- I partnered in a very small business which crumbled after two years.
- I felt inferior because I didn’t always meet up to people’s expectations: stayed in a shared flat, had no car, no money or exclusive designer wears…..It’s always very funny when I take a trip down memory lane,
- I was turned down at several job interviews.
- I harbored a low self esteem because I felt I wasn’t good enough for some ladies (emphasis lol!!) since they wouldn’t go out on a date with me.
NEWSFLASH: ‘I HAVEN’T STOPPED FAILING’.
Michael Jordan made this statement in an interview ‘I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed’.
The effects of failure are as follows:
- Worry and anxiety
- Low self esteem and confidence
- Constant negative thoughts (Pessimism)
- Broken relationships
- Self Defeat
- Self Denial
- Communication breakdown.
- The fear of people making judgments.
The aim of this post is to suggest a few tips that could be useful in dealing with failure.
In no particular order, they are:
Examine your life
In examining your lifestyle, there is a need to look at how you arrived at where you are currently, the experiences you’ve had in the past/present, your goals, aspirations, ambitions and most of all the difficulties encountered in the journey of life. You also need to understand the importance being realistic with your expectations, making a conscious decision not to create unnecessary pressure through several activities you are involved in and finally, dealing with the challenges of failure that come your way.
Work on your attitude
“Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference” – Winston Churchill
Your attitude contributes to the level of success attained. It also makes a difference or improves the way you work, manage your time, communicate, build relationships and deal with the issues of life. Your attitude determines how you respond to failure, whether you rise or fall, what experience can be gained from living a life filled with purpose. A positive attitude enhances optimism, helps you manage your failures, worries and it conditions your thoughts.
The benefits of a positive attitude are as follows:
- It increases your chances of success.
- It inspires and motivates you.
- It helps you manage your failures with a view to accomplishing your goals.
- It allows you communicate effectively.
Condition your thoughts
At times we are unable to scale through life’s challenges because of the negative thoughts which overwhelm us. If you approach failure with pessimism, there is a possibility of making wrong judgments and bad decisions.
In order to condition your thoughts you need to:
- Accept it’s normal to feel hurt/upset
- Think constructively and be optimistic
Express your frustrations
It is very important to establish positive relationships with people. Sharing your experiences of failure with trusted friends or family provides some form of relief. Remember, there are several ways to resolve different issues and learning from the experiences of others could reduce stress levels and bring about happiness.
Understand the need for patience
The highway to success has failure at the checkpoints or traffic lights. It is important to exercise patience, assess the situation and start again. This prevents frustrations, burnouts, negative self talk or image…. If failing is viewed as a lesson of life you need to understand why it happened, learn from your past mistakes, take it one step at a time being careful to spot or grasp new ways of doing things.
Don’t be too hard on yourself
Don’t be too hard on yourself. Everybody fails at one point or the other; besides you won’t be the first and certainly not the last.
You might find these suggestions useful:
- Be happy.
- Indulge in life’s simple pleasures.
- Focus on your strengths and improve on your weaknesses.
- Give your self esteem a boost knowing if you have failed in one aspect of your life, you are excellent in other endeavors.
There are a few instances when you notice you don’t have any control of the situation at hand. You lose your mind, sleep and becomes anxious for everything. Things just spiral out of control because you’ve failed. It is important to note your level of frustration reduces the moment you figure out a way to gain control by being realistic, thoughtful, optimistic…..
Look at your options
Learn to investigate or think deeply about the possible ways of dealing with failure. The more options you have, the higher your chances of succeeding.
Be strong and confident
Learning to handle failure in a matured manner equips you with the appropriate mindset to seeing things move in a positive direction. Being strong requires determination, decisiveness and the will power to keep your focus on the results you intend to achieve.
Do it again
When hope has reached its lowest depths and it appears your world is crumbling before your eyes, DO IT AGAIN. Draw strength from within believing you can and will succeed. Don’t lose your enthusiasm neither should you stop trying.
Your goals may be farfetched and out of reach but remember, there’s always a time for everything. Stay focused, work hard, be positive and DO IT AGAIN.
People become successful by doing things over and over again with different approaches, new insights, strong drives, new skills etc.
Form the habit of relaxing in order to reduce your levels of anxiety and worrying. Your mind could wander into past events of failure, causing sleepless nights, poor diets, frequent headaches, etc. In order to gain control of your emotions and combat the feeling of being a failure, resting can’t be overlooked.
Take time out to sleep properly, laze around, listen to music or have some form of leisure activity.
If you are like me and has failed again, the challenge is to change your perception to failure and learn to deal with it in stages.
I look forward to your comments and suggestions.
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