Ssshh!!! Can I share a secret with you?
I failed again.
What am I going to do? Hmm !!! Look for other alternatives.
Talking about how you resolved the various difficulties of life; coming out strong and successful, provides an inspiration to people currently going through similar experiences.
Your perception of failure may differ from others but it’s safe to say we all exhibit negative emotions (even if it’s for a brief moment) each time we experience failure.
So what is failure and how have I experienced it?
The Free Dictionary describes failure as the condition or fact of not achieving the desired end result. It is also a decline in strength or effectiveness of an individual.
My friends/family are aware of my high grades (possibly a distinction) in failure because:
- I just failed a task 16 hours ago.
- I failed in the first semester of year 1 at the university. I had 7 referrals out of 9 courses. Hmm!! those days; I wanted to change universities because I was so embarrassed and kept it from my parents till my final year, but I’m so grateful to my reading buddies, because it turned out well in the end.
- I partnered in a very small business which crumbled after two years.
- I felt inferior because I didn’t always meet up to people’s expectations: stayed in a shared flat, had no car, no money or exclusive designer wears…..It’s always very funny when I take a trip down memory lane,
- I was turned down at several job interviews.
- I harbored a low self esteem because I felt I wasn’t good enough for some ladies (emphasis lol!!) since they wouldn’t go out on a date with me.
NEWSFLASH: ‘I HAVEN’T STOPPED FAILING’.
Michael Jordan made this statement in an interview ‘I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed’.
The effects of failure are as follows:
- Worry and anxiety
- Depression.
- Low self esteem and confidence
- Constant negative thoughts (Pessimism)
- Procrastination
- Broken relationships
- Self Defeat
- Self Denial
- Communication breakdown.
- The fear of people making judgments.
The aim of this post is to suggest a few tips that could be useful in dealing with failure.
In no particular order, they are:
Examine your life
In examining your lifestyle, there is a need to look at how you arrived at where you are currently, the experiences you’ve had in the past/present, your goals, aspirations, ambitions and most of all the difficulties encountered in the journey of life. You also need to understand the importance being realistic with your expectations, making a conscious decision not to create unnecessary pressure through several activities you are involved in and finally, dealing with the challenges of failure that come your way.
Work on your attitude
“Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference” – Winston Churchill
Your attitude contributes to the level of success attained. It also makes a difference or improves the way you work, manage your time, communicate, build relationships and deal with the issues of life. Your attitude determines how you respond to failure, whether you rise or fall, what experience can be gained from living a life filled with purpose. A positive attitude enhances optimism, helps you manage your failures, worries and it conditions your thoughts.
The benefits of a positive attitude are as follows:
- It increases your chances of success.
- It inspires and motivates you.
- It helps you manage your failures with a view to accomplishing your goals.
- It allows you communicate effectively.
Condition your thoughts
At times we are unable to scale through life’s challenges because of the negative thoughts which overwhelm us. If you approach failure with pessimism, there is a possibility of making wrong judgments and bad decisions.
In order to condition your thoughts you need to:
- Accept it’s normal to feel hurt/upset
- Think constructively and be optimistic
Express your frustrations
It is very important to establish positive relationships with people. Sharing your experiences of failure with trusted friends or family provides some form of relief. Remember, there are several ways to resolve different issues and learning from the experiences of others could reduce stress levels and bring about happiness.
Understand the need for patience
The highway to success has failure at the checkpoints or traffic lights. It is important to exercise patience, assess the situation and start again. This prevents frustrations, burnouts, negative self talk or image…. If failing is viewed as a lesson of life you need to understand why it happened, learn from your past mistakes, take it one step at a time being careful to spot or grasp new ways of doing things.
Don’t be too hard on yourself
Don’t be too hard on yourself. Everybody fails at one point or the other; besides you won’t be the first and certainly not the last.
You might find these suggestions useful:
- Be happy.
- Indulge in life’s simple pleasures.
- Focus on your strengths and improve on your weaknesses.
- Give your self esteem a boost knowing if you have failed in one aspect of your life, you are excellent in other endeavors.
Regain control
There are a few instances when you notice you don’t have any control of the situation at hand. You lose your mind, sleep and becomes anxious for everything. Things just spiral out of control because you’ve failed. It is important to note your level of frustration reduces the moment you figure out a way to gain control by being realistic, thoughtful, optimistic…..
Look at your options
Learn to investigate or think deeply about the possible ways of dealing with failure. The more options you have, the higher your chances of succeeding.
Be strong and confident
Learning to handle failure in a matured manner equips you with the appropriate mindset to seeing things move in a positive direction. Being strong requires determination, decisiveness and the will power to keep your focus on the results you intend to achieve.
Do it again
When hope has reached its lowest depths and it appears your world is crumbling before your eyes, DO IT AGAIN. Draw strength from within believing you can and will succeed. Don’t lose your enthusiasm neither should you stop trying.
Your goals may be farfetched and out of reach but remember, there’s always a time for everything. Stay focused, work hard, be positive and DO IT AGAIN.
People become successful by doing things over and over again with different approaches, new insights, strong drives, new skills etc.
Rest
Form the habit of relaxing in order to reduce your levels of anxiety and worrying. Your mind could wander into past events of failure, causing sleepless nights, poor diets, frequent headaches, etc. In order to gain control of your emotions and combat the feeling of being a failure, resting can’t be overlooked.
Take time out to sleep properly, laze around, listen to music or have some form of leisure activity.
If you are like me and has failed again, the challenge is to change your perception to failure and learn to deal with it in stages.
I look forward to your comments and suggestions.
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hi ayo,
this was heartfelt. i connected to it immediately and was really encouraged by it.
oh and you didnt tell us what you failed in.
this was heartfelt i say it again
h i kenny,
i am glad you could relate to it.
hello ayo,
a few things jumped at me namely:
look for alternatives
do it again.
great post by the way and keep it up
thanks for stopping by and your comments emmanuel.
it’s important we keep trying over and over again or look for alternatives that would give us our desired success.
take care
Hello Ayo
If I’d known you were such a failure, I’d have thought twice about befriending you – LOLOL!!!!!
Seriously, though, I did a wonderful group coaching supervision session yesterday with a fabulous guy called Ernesto Spinelli. He was talking about how a lot of our problems stem from the fact we see things in life in a very black and white way. Relating this thinking to your post made me realise that in everything we see as “success” there’s a grain of failure, and in everything we see as “failure” there’s a grain of success. I think if, as you say, we are not too hard on ourselves and stop putting value judgements on ourselves that don’t serve us, we can get further and feel better about it.
.-= Christine Livingston´s last blog ..The virtual office of self-selected colleagues =-.
hi christine,
I quote ‘we see as “success” there’s a grain of failure, and in everything we see as “failure” there’s a grain of success’
Now that hit home seriously and in the words of king david the psalmist selah!!! (which means let everyones eyes see clearly and ears listen carefully to whats been said)
It’s also important we don’t flog ourselves to the point of not having any hope to try again.
Hello Ayo,
Wonderful post. Reading the post a quote crosses my mind by Conrad Hilton: “Successful people keep moving, they make mistakes, but they don’t quit.”
As we all have been taught by elders in our life at one point or the other “failure is the first step to success”. Unless one has failed, one can never taste success. Being successful is also easy but maintaining and growing the success to more and more…that is much more difficult.
Cheers,
Cheryl Paris
.-= Cheryl Paris´s last blog ..3x Thursday: You are missed! =-.
Hi cheryl,
how are you? I couldnt agree more on failure being the first step to success. It resonates with what christine said below. I guess it brings us to the question ‘how do we maintain success?’
Take care
Hi Ayo,
This was great. I especially like “Work on your attitude” because sometimes it does take work. But, it is all up to you. I repeat, it is all up to you. Take responsibility for your attitude. Another great point is “Don’t be too hard on yourself”. I think everyone does this at one time or another, or all the time. I am guilty on this one but I’m getting better at being easy on myself. I think it is important to “Focus on your strengths and improve on your weaknesses.” We all have strengths which we are good at (is that redundant?) but if we can improve on the weaknesses, they could become strengths… I enjoyed this post…I hope you are well…
Best,
Bob
.-= Bob Bessette´s last blog ..Review of Daniel Scocco’s eBook, Make Money Blogging. =-.
hi bob,
i am well thank you. your comment reminds me of a song ‘it’s up to you, you choose right now, don’t make the wrong choice my brother’ and i am terrible at singing lol!!!
would you say being too hard on yourself displays perfectionism?
take care
Hi Ayo,
Your suggestions are wonderful steps for self care and love. I’ve learned that the Universe will bring us the same lesson over and over until we learn its message. It’s calming to disconnect from the failure that has passed (which can be a lesson in and of itself). Then I ask, ‘what do I need to learn from this situation?’ ‘What message keeps showing up?’ This is how I find value in the ‘failure.’
Hope you’re having a great weekend,
Kim
.-= Kim´s last blog ..Motivation — Are You Playing to Win or Playing Not to Lose? =-.
hi kim,
i’m having a busy but great weekend with my 3yr old son helping my sister move house. it’s tough being the youngest you know lol!!!Anyway to serious issues you have raised important points with regards to how one can learn from or find value in the situation.
take care then.
Hey Ayo
How are you?
Failure is a part of life. The defining factor of whether you are successful in life is not if you succeed or fail it’s how to deal with the failures you experience on the journey
.-= Ben´s last blog ..Think big – Start small! =-.
hi ben,
i am doing good.
do you think dealing with failure is a huge responsibility?
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Ayo, hello from the snowy mountains here in Japan. Thank you for sharing your insightful thoughts about failure. Just hearing this word sends many people into a funk of self-judgment and negativity. Yet what most of us are doing each day is “failing” our way to success – the mistakes along the way are necessary stepping stones or even milestones on the journey. Without failure we would not even recognize success. Hope your busy weekend went well – Catrien Ross.
.-= Catrien Ross´s last blog ..Catrien Ross on Blowing Out Your Negativity in A Puff of Positive Intention to Shift Your Energy =-.
hi catrien,
i couldnt agree more that mistakes are stepping stones on the journey to success and yes my weekend did go well thank you.
Hi again Ayo,
How are you doin? I like how you have changed the beliefs attached to failure. Although we may all emotionally react to “failure”, we can condition ourselves to still have thoughts in the back our heads telling us that it isn’t so bad and actually mean we are learning and making progress.
Take care,
Ben
.-= Ben Weston´s last blog ..How To Completely Clear Emotional Issues Like An Etch-a-Sketch =-.
hi ben,
how are you?
the emotional reaction to failure could be sometimes extreme and lets face it we are human and we have feelings but in all this like you’ve rightly stated we can condition our thoughts in such a way that we still a small ray of optimism and nudge ourselves forward.
Great post Ayo and thanks so much for sharing your experiences. I think sometimes failure is “subjective” … Often the things I have thought of as failures have been the best things that have happened to me.
you can say that again jen!!!!
By the way I digress, you’ve given me ideas for my video.
Thanks for sharing the video post
We are taught to connect who we are with our successes. That is why I think we fear failure. You are inspiring. Thank you.
.-= Erin´s last blog ..The Holy One =-.
You are right erin erin and thanks for your kind words.
The Michael Jordan quote is a great one. I think failing is a decision we make inside ourselves. It’s our choice, go on or give up. “Success is sometimes only a matter of hanging on when others let go.”
faizal my man,
how are you?
where have you been?
you take care man!!!
thank you ayo , i was so sad n depressed be4 reading ur article now m a bit better
but what i can’t get is failing aain…i failed at the same thing again..n u say “if you have failed in one aspect of your life, you are excellent in other endeavors.” ….what if i’m not successful in any thing , what if i’m a complete failure..all my life was devoted to studying n i was good believe it or not but now i keep failing i need to do things twice before it’s finally done..i’m tired n exhusted n can’t think of anything now but giving up