Four weeks ago Kim Maglinti and Ben Weston initiated a project; getting personal development bloggers write on the lessons learned from their greatest fears.
Ben Lumley talked on acceptance.
Therese Miu focused on no excuses
Greg Blencoe discussed the fear of success
Ben Weston talked on making choices
Kim Maglinti focused on overcoming fear.
Today I’m just going to share my thoughts on self-doubt which is considered to be one of my darkest fears.
Facing encounters like these:
- Struggling to spell words from the age of 7
- Harbouring the thoughts of an extra year in university because of my woeful first semester(year 1) results; passing 3 out of 8 courses, having 5 referrals.
- Struggling with the thoughts of acting/being responsible.
- Getting a terrible bashing on my self confidence, not giving love a chance and the need to protect my heart.
- Avoiding huge tasks/responsibilities because the fear of failure existed.
- Closing my mind to several dreams/objectives because they appeared far-fetched………………
The list is endless, but all these contributed to creating the feeling of Self Doubt
NEWS FLASH
I still struggle with it occasionally (family, the blog, projects, part time practice,…) but there’s always light at the end of the tunnel.
What is Self Doubt?
The Free Online Dictionary defines self doubt as a lack of faith or confidence in oneself and doubting is a natural human response to any unfamiliar situation.
It could be triggered by:
- The fear of making mistakes
- Peoples expectations of us
- Self perception
- Bad judgements or choices
The aim of this post is to equip you with the RIGHT KIND OF ARMOUR(laugh), suggesting a few ways of dealing with self doubt when it creeps up.
Here are my thoughts:
Identify and acknowledge your fears and doubts
Think carefully before answering these questions:
- What are you afraid of?
- Why does the fear of…….. exist?
- When does it occur?
- Is it totally out of control?
It’s important to identify and acknowledge your fears/doubts because it’s a step in the right direction with regards to dealing with self doubt.
It’s okay to be afraid BUT…
This school of thought is controversial, but it’s okay to be afraid because you are human, you recognise a need and you know your inadequacies.
My thoughts:
- It’s okay to be afraid BUT once you’ve outlined what it is(they are), it’s time to take steps in the right direction to minimize the impact.
- It’s okay to be afraid BUT make up your mind to fight back.
- It’s okay to be afraid BUT get ready to deal with it.
- It’s okay to be afraid BUT take constructive risks.
- It’s okay to be afraid BUT find a way of stirring up courage and confidence.
- It’s okay to be afraid BUT think carefully.
- It’s okay to be afraid BUT do something about it.
Discuss Your Fears
Eliminate your fears and self doubt by discussing how you feel. Form a habit of having a constructive discussion sharing your feelings/anxieties with trusted friends, family or professionals.
Discussing your fears is therapeutic and it tends to release the bottled up emotions giving you a clear head, peace of mind and relieving you of your self doubt.
Bounce Back From Your Mistakes:
Mistakes occur all the time SO stop flogging yourself with an imaginary whip because you failed or made terrible mistakes. We all make mistakes (no excuses) but not all of us bounce back from it constructively with the necessary motivation to correct the wrongs.
The take home thought for the day is ‘BOUNCE BACK CONSTRUCTIVELY’ from your mistakes.
Just because you make mistakes doesn’t mean you are a complete failure. There’s always an opportunity to learn and do something new.
Be Secured In Who You Are And Feel Good About Yourself:
Underestimating your abilities only promotes or increases the level of your insecurities and it pushes you closer to SELF DOUBT.
- Go on, accept who you are constructively because you are unique and has a purpose.
- Feel good about who you are (positively), where you are now and display confidence about what to look forward to in the future.
- Celebrate your achievements and enjoy every wonderful experience you’ve had.
- Slow down on excessive self criticism because over time, constant negative feelings result in negative affirmations.
Show Some Optimism:
Another way to combat self doubt is adopting the approach of looking at the favourable side of events and anticipate the best possible outcomes in any situation.
Building optimism ensures you are:
- Realistic about your expectations.
- Building a barrier against living in self denial.
- Being authentic and not hiding behind the MASK of pretence.
Rise Up To Your Challenges.
In dealing with self doubt, you need to understand the past can’t be altered because it’s occurred, but the future can take a different shape by dealing with the current challenges of life positively.
Your perspective of the future changes once you embrace the knowledge of rising to your challenges.
It’s like an emotional/internal warfare dealing with self doubt but you stand up to your challenges by:
- Taking calculated risks(keeping your eyes, ears, head, heart open as you jump into the deep waters)
- Making very tough decisions.
- Breaking free from certain relationships.
- Becoming proactive.
- Going back to areas where you have experienced failure and TRYING AGAIN.
Connect With Friends/Family/Social Networks
Connecting with friends/family helps in dealing with self doubt. Positive networks help to establish, motivate and strengthen you as an individual. Associate with people who are ready to encourage you when you need it, speak the truth, drag you away when erring and finally provide support for you all the way.
Celebrate Your Achievements
Celebrate your achievements and enjoy those precious moments.
According to a research people with a complex tend to pay little or no attention to their success, achievements or strengths and this promotes self doubt because they find it slightly difficult to look at themselves in a different light, accept worthy praises for a job well done or celebrate their accomplishments.
Pause for a few minutes:
- Go on, lift your head up
- Reflect on your worthy achievements.
- Enjoy thinking about it.
- Break into a smile!!!!!!
Don’t Stop Learning:
Don’t stop learning. You’ve got to be informed or updated about various events, things…….. happening around you. It builds your confidence and ensures you can contribute or participate in discussions if the need arises.
Take time to develop your aptitude. Go on a self improvement exercise and if you need to increase your level of education, do so!!!
Get some exposure, broaden your knowledge, read books, learn more about yourself…….
On a final note: Rise above your self doubt by learning
I look forward to your comments and suggestions.
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Hi, Ayo.
I find it ironic that this post is here today of all days. I just skimmed it bc I am out and about with the laptop but no plug in :/ However, a friend who is working on a project asked me several weeks ago about fears and frustrations. Being honest I said not being good enough (self doubt!) is my biggest fear…he ask for some clarfication on why I am still in this spot and so forth which I gave. I am now happily anticipating his email with feedback (and probably advice or examples from his own life). Just thought I’d share the irony…I’ll be back to read this once I am home!
Gurl´s last [type] ..I entered a guest posting contest-
hello gurl,
lol!! what an irony!!
how are you?
it would be great to know what your friends feedback is and also get your views or opinion once you’ve read the article thoroughly.
Enjoy the rest of the day.
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finally someone accepts the notion that we can get scared at times but we’ve got to move on.
thanks ayo
hi emmanuel,
how are you?
i subscribe to the school of thought that we get scared at times but we must take ownership of various situations and circumstances we find ourselves in.
take care and enjoy the rest of the day.
Great post Ayo, loads of fab info.
I agree that talking about your fears takes the sting out of them – particularly with fears over emotional issues. Fears over more concrete things need to be faced head on, courage is doing something despite the fear, not having no fear:)
Best wishes,
Kate
Kate´s last [type] ..Making Happiness A Habit
hello kate,
how are you today?
i couldnt agree more courage is doing something despite the fear, not having no fear. infact i may borrow that quote off you lol!!!
enjoy the rest of the day
wow Ayo. Thanks for sharing that, buddy.
I can definitely relate to you about this post, I was fired from my first two jobs!
Self doubt has always lingered in the back of my mind ever since..
Hope all is well
Parker Lee | howtomingle.com´s last [type] ..If You Are Short- Fat- Older or An Asian Man- You Must Read This But Especially If You’re Short
hello parker,
how are you?
hope you dont mind my taking a few minutes to blow your trumpet
your experiences have made you an expert in your field and i admire what you do because you are good at it.
to know you were fired twice shows you are proof that we can always deal with our self doubts whenever they occur.
enjoy the rest of the day.
Hi Ayo,
Wow, a huge amount of fantastic information here about self-doubt and ways to overcome it. We all have fears and doubts about certain things, I know I do, for sure! The tip about reaching out to others to help you is very important, I feel. Knowing that you are not alone and that other people have gone through similar challenges and have not let their self-doubt from going after what they want in life, are great motivators.
Thanks for sharing this as it’s so relatable and helpful to many people.
Karen
Karen´s last [type] ..Happy Canada Day-
hello karen,
how are you?
happy canada day.
i think it’s important to emphasize the need for networking, communication, counselling……because we can always learn from their experience.
take care and enjoy the rest of the day.
My pastor once told me that fear is inaction and one we move forward in action, fear subsides. That really impacted me! When I am frozen in place and focused on my fear, I become inactive, and unproductive. My mind has no choice but to focus on the fear because I haven’t given it anything else to focus on.
Once I choose to move forward, however, and become actively engaged in confronting my fear, overcoming it, dealing with it, doing something, anything, that activity frees me from the grip of my fear.
Any time I find myself frozen in place now, I just remind myself to move….just move….
Dominique´s last [type] ..Today’s Lesson
hi dominique,
how are you?
you’ve mentioned something important which is becoming actively engaged in confronting your fear.
enjoy the rest of the day
oops! I meant to type ‘once’ not ‘one! My bad!
Dominique´s last [type] ..Today’s Lesson
lol
Hey Ayo, it ws interesting to read your experiences that caused you to have self-doubt growing up. Out of my closest friends, I always thought I was the least intelligent one because they had better GPA scores than me in high school. During my first year of college, I also received my lowest GPA in my education career so it gave me even more self-doubt continuing on. But I persisted and gradated in 4 years which I’m proud of. The key however, is to learn as much as you can like you say. Knowledge combined with action and determination will always help one overcome self-doubt in my opinion.
Hulbert Lee´s last [type] ..Interview with Jean Berg-Sarauer Introduction Series
hello hulbert,
how are you? thanks for stopping by. it appears we have a few things in common lol!!! peer pressure and low first year gpa’s but i am so glad it ended well and on a high note,
i also agree with your statement knowledge combined with action and determination will help in overcoming self doubt.
enjoy the rest of the day
Hi Ayo
Self doubt? Tell me about it.
What was in your list…
1 The fear of making mistakes
2 Peoples expectations of us
3 Self perception
4 Bad judgements or choices
That is actually a great list of what causes self doubt. Perhaps the one that stands out is “Fear of making mistakes.”
Reading the list almost takes away some of the negative power of self doubt, because you can identify what’ causing it.
What’s the old joke….
“As a young man I was very indecisive.
But now… I’m not so sure.”
Thanks for the list and thanks for the list of solutions.
Keith Davis´s last [type] ..A splash of colour
hello keith,
how are you?
welcome to the blog and it was great to have your contribution
As a young man I was very indecisive.
But now… I’m picking up the pieces, taking huge strides and responsibilities lol!!!
take care and enjoy the rest of the day
Hi Ayo,
Thank you for sharing your personal struggles. You followed up with valuable lessons to combat self-doubt. Perhaps the reason for its existence was for those lessons that you can now share
Self-doubt and fearing mistakes are closely tied to concerning ourselves with acceptance and how we’re viewed by others. Needless to say, you’re not alone!
Your point about connecting with others for support is part of what makes your online community special. Keep up the great work Ayo, I’m cheering you on!
Kim
hello kim,
how are you?
apologies for posting it so late but we got there in the end(laugh!!!)
thanks for coming up with the idea and giving me a part to play in it.
take care kim and enjoy the weekend
Dear Ayo,
I found something that was very helpful to me:
Focus on your strengths and ignore your weaknesses.
I don’t know who said it, but I love it. We tend to create what we focus on. It resolves a lot of self-doubt and criticism, I’ve found.
Great topic that is important for us to face. I like sometimes to put myself in new or unfamiliar situations, just to keep my “skills” honed.
Thanks, Ayo, for being brave and acknowledging your self doubt.
Warm regards,
Lauren
Lauren´s last [type] ..Is Fear Motivating Your Romantic Life
hi lauren
how are you?
i couldnt agree more with putting ones self in unfamiliar situations to hone ones skills. i’m not so sure if we would experience any personal growth without taking risks.
enjoy the rest of the day
Very nice post Ayo, I think each one of us at some point in life experience self doubt, fear, lack of confidence, etc…What we have to do is analyze why were are feeling afraid or why we are doubting ourselves. If we truly look at the answer, we will find that our thoughts and beliefs are the main cause. We should change our thoughts and program our subconscious mind with what we want to achieve such as confidence among other things. Thanks for sharing my friend
Dia´s last [type] ..How to become lucky
hello dia
how are you?
What’s happening in your world?
You are right about our thoughts and beliefs being a problem and I buy the idea of changing our thoughts and programming our minds with positive intent.
Enjoy the rest of the day.
p.s. I will send your draft copy for the magazine shortly
Hi Ayo! Hoping all is well in your world.
I really like this post because I have been working with the concept of my “brave girl” for a while now. It’s the side of me that no longer will let the fears get in my way. I think for a long time I expected self growth to eliminate fears to some degree but in actuality, I am still very aware of some of them. The difference is now that I go ahead and feel the fear and the brave girl moves through it. Seeing myself as having courage has changed how I see and deal with those fears. Always more work to do but, brave girl and I are up to the challenge!!
Clearly Composed´s last [type] .. Balancing Safety and Fun This Holiday Weekend
Hello CC,
How are you?
I love the concept of the ‘brave girl’ and I think it’s important we are aware of fears and you say ‘feel the fears’ because they can be managed properly. I don’t subscribe to the school of thought that promotes being ignorant of your fears and in my words live in self denial.(i may be wrong but….)
It’s great to know you are up to the challenge.
Enjoy the rest of the day.
Well, I would say fear paralyzes you and cause you to make irrational decisions. But… it is something we need to overcome many times in or lives.
Great post out there Ayo, I’ll be a overcomer !
BBQ´s last [type] ..Halal Catering
Hello BBQ,
Thanks for stopping by and it’s nice to have you here.
It’s great to know you will be /are an overcomer.
Hope you enjoy the rest of the day and please stop by once again.
Take care
Hi Ayo,
First, thanks for your authentic and honest sharing. We are still gripped from the harsh “No’s” that have been handed to us by the world voice. These “NO’s” show up as harsh judgments and condemning voices. We bury our potential deeper and deeper. It was a breakthrough for me when I realized that it is absolutely unnecessary to live with an unpleasant thought about myself. Your article does a great job of understanding how to overcome that self-doubt. After all, we are all here to experience our authentic, doubtless Self in all of it’s glory.
Hi Rob,
How are you?
I am going borrow your words ‘condemning voices’ and pass it off as mine (laugh). But it is a fact once these voices stir up negativity in our heads, we lose the will to carry out or do any activity.
Take care and Enjoy the rest of the day.
Another wonderful post, Ayo! I think fears and doubts hold a person back from moving towards his goal. Sometimes fear comes from past mistakes or doubts about the future. However, an individual is ultimately caught in the worry trap because he fears a lot of things. To overcome one’s fear, it’s important to look deeper and identify his underlying values to help him focus on the things that he needs to do.
Dawn @ Marriage Intimacy´s last [type] ..How to Gain Intimacy in Your Marriage
Hi Dawn,
How are you?
I agree constant worrying on various issues either stemming from the past, our backgrounds or the future will only promote fear. Once we know what we are afraid of, we can manage it and focus properly on what we ought to do.
Thanks for stopping by and do have a lovely day.
Thanks for sharing this. I think that everyone struggles at one time or another with self confidence. That is not to say that it is ok or in any way comfortable. The bullet that caught me the most is “Closing my mind to several dreams/objectives because they appeared far-fetched…”
That is the worst part of it. There is a point of downward spiral, and it is so hard to get out of it. I think that, in my experience anyway, once I had one or two successes I started seeing that everything was not hopeless. Certainly I had heard the cliché (win some, lose some), but when I was younger I really had quite a bit of losing.
I can tell you that once I got over the negativity part of it I have been successful in nearly everything I have done, though by no means in everything
.
I really like that you made it a point to talk about identifying and talking about your fears and then taking time to calculate the risk associated with the things you wanted to do.
Planning for things (that I really cared about) has always helped me so much. And, bouncing back, or not giving up, is the ultimate skill. It is tough to learn, but so helpful once you have.
Now I am all fired up. I better get back to work. Thanks for the inspiring post Ayo!
mark´s last [type] ..How Change Can Happen to You
hello mark,
how are you?
thanks for stopping by and i’m glad you liked the post. hope the rest of your day at work went well
i totally agree with the principle behind being motivated to seeing everything isnt hopeless once you experience one/two forms of success.(this is my story too lol!!!)
i’m currently listening your interview on hulberts blog & i am at point of you talking about getting a bus to work. you are soooo calm with every response to each question.
enjoy the rest of the day
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Ayo, I congratulate you on a brave, honest and liberating post. Self doubt will always be our worst enemy but also our best ally to show us the obstacles that prevent us achieving great things. You have taken a major leap in reaching for yours and I applaud your efforts and integrity in pushing through the confidence pain barrier.
John Sherry´s last [type] ..How To Flip It And Win
hello john
how are you?
it’s great to have you stop by and thanks for contributing to the topic.
i totally agree our self doubt could be our best ally to show us various obstacles preventing us achieving great things and if managed properly could be our simple path to success.
take care and enjoy the rest of the day