Resolving Conflict In Relationships

Resolving Conflict In Relationships

A report, ‘Can Our Brains Help Us Solve Conflicts’ published on the BBC website, highlights the findings of Baroness Susan Greenfield and Jeremy Lack as they examined the link between neuroscience and conflict resolution.

This report suggests the brain can determine optimal ways to resolve disputes, no matter their type by optimizing cognitive and psychological concepts into what will make your brain maximally receptive and innovative. It goes on to explain several ways of resolving conflicts making references to how the brain interprets them.

It seems like a very exciting field of study and it inspired the title Resolving Conflict In Relationships. This post will focus briefly on the benefits of constructive conflict and also attempt to highlight several ways of handling conflicts that occur in relationships.

Conflict:

This occurs whenever people disagree over their values, motivations, perceptions, ideas, or desires. The Miriam Webster Dictionary defines it as an opposition or a mental struggle resulting from incompatible or opposing needs, drives, wishes and external or internal demands.

Being able to handle conflicts or resolve differences is very important in developing and maintaining constructive relationships.

Although the effects of conflicts could be heartbreaking and stressful, there are a few advantages of having constructive conflicts such as:

• It promotes listening to each other over time.
• It allows you to show care to one another
• It develops or strengthens the bonds formed with friends, spouses, partners, parents, children etc and brings about closeness.
• It creates an avenue for understanding each other better
• It develops positive relationships
• It gives room to the voice of reason.

And many more…………………………………….

The aim of this post is highlight useful ways of resolving conflicts experienced in a relationship.

In no particular order, here are my suggestions:

• Try as much as possible to analyse and understand the cause of the conflict. It could be simple things such as a lack of attention, money, house/office work, squeezing the tooth paste tube, leaving your socks on the floor,…….
• Understand there would be a difference of opinions at times. You are unique individuals with different upbringings, conditioning, tolerance levels…
• Act responsibly and believe me when I say this difficult but you’ve got to work at it.
• Avoid piling up several hurtful events and offences. It creates a stigma in the relationship.
• Accept you are wrong where necessary and avoid manipulating or trying to control the other party.
• Avoid making unnecessary assumptions which could be harmful during conflicts, because it could frustrate the entire relationship.
• Make sure you aren’t over reacting and give room to the voice of your conscience.
• Spend considerable time dealing with very touchy or sensitive issues. It exposes the whole relationship to the tolerance test while hiding from such issues only postpones the evil day.
• Take feasible and practical steps to reconciling your differences and be willing to forgive.
• Show some humour and laugh when necessary. This shouldn’t be done to scorn or mock the other party but there are times where you get tickled to laugh during a heated argument. Trust me when done genuinely it melts the ice.
• Sometimes you should just let go of the situation or issues.
• Slow down on the shouting, screaming, swearing, hissing, pointing, fingers in the ears….
• AVOID ALL FORMS OF PHYSICAL AND EMOTIONAL VOILENCE.
• Start listening to each other. There’s so much to be said and you can learn a whole lot.
• Ask questions with a view to getting clear and proper explanations.
• Get people you trust involved in speaking to both parties and not taking sides.
• Seek professional help if it’s absolutely necessary.
• Explore various opportunities to resolve the conflicts
• Learn to empathise with the other party involved.
• Communicate your thoughts, views, feelings clearly. Avoid living in self denial because it creates a state of the VICTIM MENTALITY.
• Demonstrate self control, display a high level of tolerance and control your anger.
• Give yourselves some space and time to calm down.
• Speak the truth always displaying the creed of honesty and integrity.
• Avoid being too defensive and aim to promote peace where you can.
• Stop running away from conflicts with a view to please and not hurt the other party. Stand up, and face it with all you’ve got, adding a bit of common sense(this is a bit controversial but I’ll stick to it)
• Know when to call it quits and painfully go separate ways.

The benefits of resolving conflicts in a relationship are as follows:

• It reduces your stress levels.
• It gives you  peace of mind by getting things off your head and chest.
• It strengthens and improves your relationship.
• It enhances your personal growth and development.
• It increases the flow of communication between all parties concerned.

How have you handled your conflicts?

You could encourage someone by sharing your experience

I look forward to your comments and suggestions

Ayo Olaniyan is a certified Unitive Life Coach, an Accredited Professional Counsellor with the Counselling Society and the editor of The Life Skills Magazine. For further information, please complete this form.

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